Lord of the Rings Facebook Status Updates

So college humor has a few LOTR facebook statuses up. Rather amusing, unless you like ham. Then they're now 3/4ths as amusing. True.

Check them out here.

and for some reason there are more....here. although that's not the source. Frakked up indeed messers.

Alia Shawkat Replicates The Most Important Moment In Movie History

Teen Witch is still, hands down, the best motion picture of the 20th century. Or of 198----whatever it was. Or of that week. I definitely think Teen Witch is the best movie of that week.

New Sia Video: You've Changed

I love her. I also love videogames and awkward looking people. This is a win/win/win situation. No doubt about it friends.

America Has Poor Taste Volume 4

The bad news? James Cameron's latest "technological breakthrough" that happens to be  around two hours too long for its own good is the number one movie in America.

The good news? It only  made $73 million. That's less money than Kate Winslet's garters from Titanic.

In other news altogether, I'm declaring a war on Papyrus and any font that looks remotely like it. Allah will destroy you all.

UPDATE: So it has a $232 million worldwide gross, the biggest global opening for a non-sequel in the history of cinema.

Well shit.

Jesus's Best Friend Jorge's House Found

Archeologists have discovered the remnants of a house they believe to be dated back to the time of Christ. Supposedly, they have gained great insight to the lives of the citizens then. From the find, it seems that everything was covered in dirt. and they had very small walls. We can only deduce from this that Christ was a pygmy. True story. Unless your definition of true involves fact, in which case I say, you don't know the definition of true.
Check out the CNN article here, involving some unnecessary back story in to Christianity.

Tim Burton Decided Not To Read Alice In Wonderland

Alice in Wonderland Trailer #2 in HD

Trailer Park | MySpace Video

And we get this. Pretty? Yes. Alice in Wonderland? Eh, in the same way Zoolander was based on A Tale of Two Cities.

Sacrelege. Crappy "Death At A Funeral" Remake

I refuse to make this my normal size as a form of protest. I could have just not blogged about it and kept it from coming to your attention at all, but you are French.

So do you remember WAYYYY back in 2007, when Frank Oz (Freaking Yoda for Chrissake) made a super funny British comedy called "Death at a Funeral"? Oh, you don't?

Do you remember when Chris Rock, Martin Lawrence or Tracey Morgan was funny?
Oh, you don't?

I rest my case.

This Is My Life, In Pastels

Read carefully, at least 50% of this is stuff I care about, and by care about I mean if you insult it you will end up dead. Not by my hand, but dead none the less.

I guarantee in 89 years, you'll be dead. It'll be because you questioned this awesomeness on Dec. ___ 2009. Fill in the blank and send by direct mail for a more personalized death guarantee. 

Invisible Shoes Are Invisible-ish (Kind Of)

São Paulo stationed shoe designer Andreia Chaves has introduced her? (it could be a man, I don't really know...or a hot tranny mess, let's go with that one) anyway, their (oooh there we go) new "invisible" shoe for the 2010 collection. It's rather invisible, unless of course you see them, which you will.

Side note to our women readers: Wear panties with mirrored shoes. I had a very embarrassing Wednesday night one time.

Jake Gyllenhaal Is Quite Fit

That's really it. Merry Christmas.

Give Tru Blood This Year

HBO's site is offering bottles of Tru Blood for sale. Aaron wants. I want to be like Bill Compton, sans the terrible makeup, and that accent.

The human version is less the blood, more of the orange flavor. They need to make a Jason Stackhouse flavor. That would sell. To me.

Mass Effect 2 Has One Of The Best Voice Casts Ever

It's made of sex. and voices. Mostly sex though.

in other news, the fucking video isn't working. Just know that cool people are in it. 

It's Claire!

ABC has released the first LOST Season 6 promo pics. Call me crazy, but it seems that on their final season they would go for more than an "upset kid at a school photo session" look. I just keep imagining LifeTouch down in the bottom right of these photos. Check out the rest here.

Fatality! Celebrity Kung Fu

Atom has posted this, the mother of all fighting games involving Octomom. Pick your fighter, pick your douchebag opponent, and fail as the terrible control scheme sends you to a certain death at the hands of Glen Beck.

Check it out here.

Time's 10 Best Magazine Covers of 2009

Time Magazine, famous for such things as saying Time on the cover, has published their list of the Top Ten _______ of the year. I focused on the magazine covers, because it was the only one I saw with a blow-up doll involved. I don't quite get blow up dolls, it seems like it would be doing soup...there's nothing really to it. I digress.

Check out their full list here, although it rather ridiculously starts with number one. They don't understand countdowns at Time. just time.