Some More LOST Promos I Did

I haven't quite finished with Season 4 yet, but this is what I have done thus far for it. Some of it's pretty bad ass if I do say so. Of course, I do say so. Because I said.....so

Weezer's "Hurley" Album Cover

That's it, Weezer has a new album coming out called Hurley and Hurley is on it. That's really all we need to know. Weezer is the new coolest band ever.

Jack Should Stop Debating and Start Ejaculating

Two of my favorite things in life come together in a literal orgy of music, speculation and television. Everyone needs to go buy Garfunkel and Oates album, immediately.

"Fuck fuck fuck 'til the smoke monster takes you away!"

Thanks to Joey and Justin for the tippity do dah.

Where's My Squirrel Baby!?

Ah, the LOST hate has been ripping through our happy dorky community for a couple of months now, but I doubt I'll ever stop talking about it. Alas. This is pretty funny and reminds me of all the problems with a show that I had mostly come to grips with. Thanks Cisco, now those wounds are open.

Enjoy. for serious, it's pretty humorous. Don't mind me, over here, bleeding and crying and tasting both.

Handy: The Island Map

It's kind of small, I hurt my eyes. Given that my glasses are in essence a couple of inches thick this could be problematic. It does, however, seem that all the Dharma stations could have easily been equipped with one of these bad boys to save them six seasons of running around.

Emily gave the ideas and the tips, I give her the credit.

LOST: The End Part One: The Afterlife

Hello there, It's been a while since I posted (anything) on the blog, but most importantly, it has been about four days since the series finale of LOST and I am just now getting around to writing this up. This can be attributed to several reasons, which I will now share with you in the following order.

1. I didn't get to watch it until mid day Monday.
2. I cried a little afterwards, so I didn't want to write it then.
3. I felt I needed to go do lots of research to formulate correct thoughts
4. I kind of just also needed a day or two to wrap my head around it. I didn't know how to structure a review/opinion of the end of a lifestyle for me for the past 5 years.
5. It's the LAST EPISODE OF LOST EVER. I think I thought if I put it off, and I didn't make it final, then this maybe wasn't going to be true.

Alas, enough time has passed and I need to get on this like white on rice....unless it's brown rice. Then...brown on rice?

Since this episode was so dense and so....just huge, I will be dividing the review into two parts; the Afterlife and the Island.

We will start with the most important thing to walk away with from this episode.

Everything that happened on the island was real.

If you read around the message boards and some of the usually reliable review sources seemed to have completely missed the boat (no pun intended) on this one. Christian completely and matter-of-factly states that this is the case.

                                       Christian completely and matter-of-factly stating that this is the case.

The very end of the episode was the big reveal that the entire "alternate timeline" story arc that had become so frustrating throughout the season as we realized that answers weren't coming as long as they were spending time with what seemed random, was indeed a sort of afterlife. Christian explains that there is no "now" in this place and that they "created" the area to find one another in order to cross over.

All of the flash-sideways (as they had become known as) were essentially one big long con from the creators of the show. They timed it perfectly with season 5's "reboot" plan. The entire season, I felt completely confused as to how the "alternate" Losties would end up mattering in the long run. I was also terrified that this timeline would "win" out, as I stated in the previous review. I'm very glad that they decided to make every single action on the island matter in some form or fashion (to an extent, we can touch on that later in part two).

The last ten minutes were both insanely beautiful and apparently very dividing of the LOST fan base. Some people cried foul while others rejoiced at what they called an almost perfect ending. I, somehow, managed to land myself in between these opinions. I thought it was a poignant ending, but it certainly was not the best LOST had ever offered us.

I have always been an "answer" person and I was, admittedly, disappointed when almost nothing was explained. We didn't get any kind of definite answer on a number of pressing questions from seasons past such as:

1. Why couldn't the women on the island have babies?
2. Why was Walt special? (where in the gay hell WAS Walt?)
3. Who built the temple?

to name a few of course. I do remember the writers saying not too long ago that if "it didn't matter to the castaways that it wasn't going to matter in the final season". So I was prepared to enter the show not finding out too much, but it was disheartening to be correct.

On the other hand, the ending was, from a character standpoint, entirely satisfying. Every character from Oceanic (aside from Walt of course) found one another in the place they created and they all are able to go into the next life full of joy and love. It was sad learning that all of the characters we loved over the course of these years died, but as Christian says; "Everyone dies sometime, kiddo."

The revelations of their current situation were also, for the most part, beautifully done.

Jin and Sun seeing their daughter for the first time jarred the memories of their lives into their minds and they suddenly know that everything is going to be ok. It also means that this Ji Yeon isn't real, but we won't focus on the orphans from this fact. I do, however, find it odd that their daughter isn't really involved in the crossing over process. I know that neither of them ever really knew her that well, but she is their child.

Speaking of children, it appears that Jack's son David is a completely imagined entity. One reviewer stated that David represented what Jack longed to be as a child: able to forgive. Perhaps David was created to help Jack get over his issues with his own father and finally "let go" as Rose so wisely said back in the first episode of the season. When Jack starts to have his flashes of his actual life, Locke rather bluntly states that he doesn't have a son and that just sends Dr. Shephard reeling, eventually leading him to run into Kate at the benefit concert and beginning his journey of discovery about his life.

Kate, Claire and Charlie share their flashes together. While Claire has Aaron in this timeline, the trio all realize what is going on and also start to put the pieces together. Here another child-problem presents itself in my opinion. At the church, in the end, Claire is holding Aaron. As to whether this is the real world Aaron and that he has died too, I'm somewhat confused on.


Sawyer and Juliet's encounter was one of my favorites, while it changed the entire vibe of the season premiere's exchange with Miles. When he is "speaking" with her body he tells Sawyer that she says "it worked". Since we know now that did not refer to Jughead at all, we are left to possibly interpret it as him just picking up bits and pieces of the conversation that she has with Sawyer in this episode. She can be referring to a vending machine. That kind of tripped me out, I'm not going to lie. I'm very very glad that Sawyer and Juliet ended up together in the end, because Sawyer and Kate never did it for me in the slightest.


Also speaking of odd relationships. This episode provides us with another twist that Shannon, not Nadia, is Sayid's "soulmate". Color me surprised I suppose. One of the reviews I read stated that Nadia was perhaps more a "pipe dream" and that Shannon's love was more pure, with her knowing exactly what Sayid did before. (although, now that I think about it, that doesn't really justify it, because when the Oceanic 6 came back, Nadia was there with Sayid knowing far more about his past than Shannon ever did). I shall have to ponder this even more.

This episode also provided us with one of the most sought-after moments for me. The return of the real John Locke. It had been over a season since we caught a glimpse of the man responsible for some of the best moments LOST had to offer. When he's in the hospital bed and begins to move his toes, I kind of got a little teary. One fact that almost broke my heart in the long run was that Helen was not with John when the group crossed over. If Penny can be there, why in the world can't John's one true love?

Regardless, the exchange between Locke and Ben outside the church, when you realize that Ben wasn't "ready" to cross over (that totally makes more sense now when Hurley was talking about Ana Lucia in the last episode, by the way) was classic LOST. The two spoke like old friends, while acknowledging their intense animosity in life. Locke being full of forgiveness spoke to the man of faith Locke had shown himself to be the entire series.

On to Ben. I'm not 100% sure I buy the him being part of the "cool kid's club" bit yet. It may take more time to completely swallow that pill. I realize that since the place is timeless, Ben had several years to redeem himself as Hurley's "number 2" on the Island. It still just feels weird to think about it in those terms though, seeing as how he killed Widmore in cold blood in the last episode and up until early in this one, he was in cahoots with what we've come to know as evil incarnate.


Some people have complained about the finale being "overtly religious" and while there are a few Christ references in Jack's death (see part two in a day or....two). I thought that the writers did a very good job making the afterlife seem as vague as possible. The doors opening to reveal a light doesn't speak to any religion specifically and could lead to a number of things. This is one of the things LOST left open ended and was all the better for it.

There's also questions of whether focusing purely on the endgame in the distance for all of our characters if the finale somehow negated the Island events. Sure, it all mattered, but if everyone ends up in Happy land, did it all really matter? How do you guys feel? Was the character resolution more important than the answers or a more "immediate" ending?

Stay tuned for part two where we'll be discussing events on the Island and having some general final comments.

LOST: What They Died For

Hello boys and girls. Sorry for the delay on this recap/analysis. I was doing lazy people things and didn't get around to it. So, what I'm going to try to do for this, the penultimate episode of LOST, is give thoughts and theories without a full blow by blow of the entire episode. I'm just going to count on you to have seen it and remember things.

First of all, after seeing this week's offerings, I feel somewhat less angry at the previous episode. Jacob explaining that he indeed is the source of all their woes and further explaining his past (regardless of how in depth it was) somehow made the entire thing plausible to me.

We'll touch on the events of the Alternate Timeline first:

Interesting tidbits included:
1. Jack has that damn cut on his neck again. - He should either stop trying to shave in his sleep or realize that he had another life already. We still don't know who David's mystery mom is but I somehow doubt it's an awesome enough reveal to take up time in the finale.

2. "It's the day of the show y'all!" - it seems that all of our alternate timeline Losties will be heading to David's concert. Unless it's a special location, I may be lost on the importance of the event (unless it's also just serving as an excuse to get everyone in a single location without a sketchy alleyway meeting).

Wait, totally scratch that. It's a benefit for Pierre Chang's museum. Location makes sense now. 

3. ROUSSEAU! That's pretty much enough said. She looked old lady sexy.

The whole love connection vibe between her and Ben? Somewhat creepy but it eerily worked at the same time. Color me French and confused. Her not being dirty and confused forced me to make Babylon 5 comparisons. It's hard being a dork.

4. Desmond does good dirty work. - After Ben stops him from running all over Locke again, Desmond repays him by beating the ever loving crap out of him. So now Ben can be added to the list of Losties remembering their past lives. Why is it that Hurley's is the only non violent one? Everyone else needs to get shot or nearly drowned, but Hugo Reyes just needs a kiss from a mental patient.

We shall see if Sayid, Kate, Sawyer, Claire and Jack need painful reminders of their true calling or if maybe they all just need to make out.

Oh yeah, and Ana Lucia shows up to be a dirty cop as per usual. She seems to be one of the few alternate timeliners that doesn't really have it better off in this world. Where she realizes the wrong of her ways on island, this Ana Lucia is completely content to take bribe money and help three criminals escape.

The finale will be truly interesting to see if this alternate stuff actually works. It's seeming more and more likely that this timeline will "win out" in the end. I'm still not sure how I feel about all of the events of the show not really counting in the long run, but I may not have a choice. The writers promised that there wouldn't be a "everything's a dream" ending. I think that "this all happened in another parallel universe" may be too close for comfort. I digress though, I will love it all. I have for the past 6 years.

Now. On to the island.

1. Full Circle - In a mirror scene from the pilot, Jack is now sewing Kate up while they are sad about Jin and Sun dying. They finally mention that they had a bloody child waiting back in the real world. Sayid, apparently, gets no love for saving who he did. People just cry about the asians and they're orphan making decisions. (This is one of the many reasons I think the alternate timeline will "win". The show has killed people but I highly doubt they're going to actually leave Ji Yeon an orphan. We shall find out.)

2. I understand why he wanted to leave - Bratty Jacob showed back up and stole his ashes from Hurley. This makes possible the kumbaya moment at the fire later.

3. Speaking of which - Jacob decides to show himself to everyone for the first time ever. (It's a little late mate) He tells them that one of them is destined to take over as guardian of the island to both keep the Smoke Monster from leaving as well as protecting the light. The job just keeps getting more complicated. We find out that Kate was only not a candidate because she adopted Aaron. I think it's more likely that Jacob realizes she's irritating as sin and didn't want people to have to deal with her for eternity. I find mine more reasonable.

Jacob fesses up to all the crap he's stirred and the Losties go along for the ride. He also explains to them that he will not tell any of them to take the job, that he wants them to have what he never did: a choice. They ask the obvious "what if none of us wants it?" and he informs them that it would simply be very bad. Jack steps up as the next choice for protector and Jacob takes him to have a drink. It turns out that the wine is not what's magical, but the incantation. So stream water can make you immortal if you know enough Latin.

Jacob reveals the light (well he tells Jack about it) and informs him that it's right beside where Jack woke up in the Pilot episode. So the show could have been over if he had just looked to his right instead of the left over at Vincent.

4. Meanwhile back in Dharmaville - Ben, Richard and Miles determine they still REALLY want to blow Ajira sky high so they head to get some C4. They find that as well as Zoe and Widmore. They have an exchange (including Widmore having seen the error of his ways thanks to Jacob - further fueling Ben's hatred of him) and everyone kind of splits up as they realize Locke is heading their way.  Locke enters the camp in smoke form and sends Richard literally flying. Poor Richard, he's going to have to reapply the eyeliner.

Locke sits and has a talk with Ben and they make a deal: Ben can have the island when Locke leaves. This let's Ben's bitchy side give Widmore and Zoe to him.

5. Parting is such swe- *spew, gurgle gurgle* - Locke enters the secret room with Widmore. He tells Zoe not to speak to smokey. Locke doesn't really agree with this decision and cuts her throat since she's now "useless". Locke finds out from Widmore (at threatening Penny's life) that Desmond has been brought in as a failsafe since he has a resistance to electro-magnetism. Ben then decides that he wants to be bitchy again and shoots Widmore dead on the spot. *sigh* He can't make up his mind.


So now we find out that Desmond is no longer in the well. *cue dramatic theme*. Also, it seems that Smokey has a change of plans, instead of leaving the island he wants Desmond to blow it to smithereens for him. (Yet another reason that I think the Alt timeline is going to come out ahead. I doubt the nuke would have sunk the island. I think it's whatever Desmond is going to do.)

In the end.

The time for theories almost seems to be gone. There's just an episode left, to tweak a familiar LOST theme "what happens happens".  There won't be a "next season" to talk about. What They Died For was your standard putting pieces in place Lost lead in to the finale. It was informative, even more people died and most importantly it made me realize that this is almost over folks. The one show that has kept every cool dorky person thoroughly engross for the better part of the decade is coming to an end.

I'm usually all about spoilers, but I'm trying to leave the finale completely unknown to me. We have two and a half hours left people. I can't wait and yet I never want it to come.

If Lost Were A Sitcom

This is obviously exactly how the show should end. This Jack has large arms, they look...meaty. Best part of the entire thing: Faux Claire crying her eyes out and exclaiming the immense difficulty involved in leaving the jackasses she's stranded with.

Poor Claire, poor us for LOST sucking it up so far. Poor Jehovah's witnesses for seeing him in the shower that one time and not being able to stop talking to everyone else about it.

It's Back! LOST: Across the Sea

Hello there boys and girls. I know that I haven't done a write up for LOST the entire season so far. Before, I didn't feel that I would be able to commit enough time to all of it and I didn't want to half ass it. Now that there are only 2 new episodes to go after this one, I felt I needed to jump back on and share my thoughts/research findings with you guys. So here we are on the next to penultimate episode of LOST: Across the Sea.

The episode starts off back in the water with another wreck. We meet the lady in the water Claudia and learn she's quite preggers. She's coughing and choking on the beach and makes her way up to a stream and begins to drink. All of a sudden Juno's stepmom appears:

She offers her hand and *touches* the lady and takes her back to the caves from Season 1. Claudia begins to ask questions and she simply tells her that

                "Every question I answer will simply lead to another question. Just rest" 

Claudia then proceeds to give birth to who she names Jacob. The fun isn't over though, seeing as how she pops out another little youngin' and can't manage to think of a name for him. Allison Janney then apologizes and knocks poor mommy out cold, killing her – if you weren't sure. :P

We zoom forward in time around ten years and Jacob and as of yet unnamed kid are playing on the beach. Smokey finds a box and opens it, revealing a game played with white and black stones. He and Jacob play a round or two and Smokey asks that Jacob not tell mother, because she would take it away.


Naturally Jacob goes running back to the cave and Mother (since she took over the role after murdering the real one) is there working on a nice little tapestry (so that's where Jacob got his weaving notions).  She realizes that Jacob is trying to lie to her and heads out to the beach and talks to Lil' Smokey. She informs him that Jacob isn't like him and that Smokey is "special". She also had left the game for him. "Where else would it have come from?" she asks. Also in this scene is her insisting that the island is all there is in the world.

More time goes by and Jacob and Smokey are out hunting boar. Unfortunately some people with very large belts beat them to the punch and they hide. When the men leave, the run back to Mother and tell her what they saw. She commences to blindfold them (logically) and walks them out into the jungle, telling them about how all people "are corrupt and violent and that it always ends the same way". She leads them to: *drumroll please*

A light.

In a cave.

Apparently this is very important.

Alright.

She informs the boys that the light is "inside every single man" but no one can know that the "source" exists because "if they knew they would want more" and that would "extinguish" the light and if the light goes out on the island, it goes out everywhere.

She also tells them that they can never go into the light, because it is a fate worse than death.

So we now seem to know that the island is special because of a magical light. Check.

Now, there are a couple of references to this throughout the show, I suppose. Back in season one Locke said when he looked at the monster that "he saw the heart of the island and it was beautiful" and compared it to a bright light. So, if you're paying super close attention and never forget a line, this could in theory work. We can touch on the rest of the references later.

Ok, so then Smokey sees his real mother while he's playing the game with Jacob one day. Jacob seemingly can't see her. Smokey follows her and learns all about his past, that he's from "across the sea". He confronts Jacob about all of this and blondie goes on a rampage, beating Smokey up, although we learn that the reason that they can't kill one another is that Mother has made it so "they can't harm one another". This obviously doesn't apply to full on beat downs. Mother explains that she had to kill their real mom because she had to protect them from becoming one of "them".  Smokey isn't buying any of this crap and sets out to live amongst the people who shipwrecked with them ten years prior.

More time passes and we see the adult Jacob watching the "others" from afar. He goes and plays yet another game with Smokey. This time talking about the nature of the people MIB is living with. Smokey says that essentially, their Mother was correct and that they are corrupt at heart. Jacob claims if it's so bad why does he stay with them, and Smokey informs him that they're a "means to an end" and that he has found a way to finally leave the island and return home.

We get to travel to the building of the well (or one of them it seems). Smokey informs Jacob, with the help of his trusty dagger from throughout the season, that there are several areas on the island where metal behaves oddly. When they find these areas they dig.

Jacob, once again, runs and tells mommy what's what with good ol' Smokey and she pays him a little visit. He explains that he's been trying to find the light for over thirty years and he has never been able to get there again, so he and his people are working on a way to find another way to it. He explains if he installs this wheel *ta dah* and channels the light and the water, he can go home. This, of course, makes absolute sense. So much sense, it seems, that his mother felt compelled to try her tried and true tactic of head against rock on him.

We then see Mother back at the light source with Jacob telling him that he is the one that is destined to protect it. Jacob flat out asks her why him and informs her that he knows that she loved Smokey more. She replies that "she loved them differently". She convinces Jacob to drink from her bottle (the same one that he explains the nature of the island to Alpert and has him drink from). After mumbling a little incantation, and giving it to him, she informs him that he is "the same" as her now.

When Smokey awakes, his well has been covered up and his entire village massacred and burnt. Naturally, this does less than please him so he heads for the caves. He proceeds to stab Mother clean in the gut and asks her why she did it. "Because I love you" she says. Then she proceeds to thank him and die. It seems the implications are that she could not die on her own accord or that she had to find a replacement before her life could end. It seems that it may be the first one, since Jacob has not fully "initiated" any successor. (that's if the entire process of drinking the wine and such is necessary, which it seems to be given Alpert and Jacob's using it)

Jacob then enters the cave and gets his smack down on again, while Smokey asks him to not kill him. "Oh I won't kill you" is the response and Jacob drags him back to the source of the island.

He tosses Smokey down and his head cracks on the rocks in the river. His body then floats down into the light.

Soon after this, the smoke monster we all know and love comes roaring out of the cave. So, also, knowledge of the night: It seems that Jacob has created Smokey.

Later, Jacob finds his brother's body and brings him to the cave and lays him to rest with the bag of stones beside their "mother".

So Lost knowledge: Adam and Eve are more like Cain and Eve. Also, Jack is certainly not as reliable as carbon dating, seeing as how he quoted the skeletons as around 40-50 years old. He was only off by 1500 years or so.

Speaking of Jack, how ANNOYING was the intercuts from "House of the Rising Sun" back from season one. It's like "OMG OMG look, we're explaining something back from way at the beginning!" "What, you might not remember?! here it is here it is! Clumsily edited into this supposedly touching scene!"

The only good that did was remind us how sexy Jack was back then when he had chest hair.

                                             (not the same episode but om nom nom nom)

I digress:

So, let's make some sense of this.

Things we learned

1. The island is special because of a magic light that is in all people
2. Jacob and the MIB were once just people and nothing special, like the rest of the show
3. Mother informs MIB that he can't leave the island, but Jacob does so at will throughout the show.
4. Jack was sexy in season one.
5. Jacob created the smoke monster by throwing his brother into the magic light.
6. Their "Mother" was the original guardian of the island
7. Adam and Eve are really Jacob's brother and adopted? mother

Things we don't know now

1. What is the purpose of the ash?
2. What IS the smoke monster (still)?
3. Is the entire explanation of the show that it's just "magic"?
4. What exactly is the light?
5. Is the light the source of the healing powers?

So it seems that since the Man in Black wanted to find out about his real life and wanted to get away from the murdering woman holding them there, that he is the ultimate evil. I'm not too sure I feel ok about this. The entire episode seemed as if the MIB was the victim in the situation, while Jacob was just a lackey for his mom. Jacob, also, created the largest threat on the island. Also, I'm now confused about Jacob's explanation to Richard about the island being a cork to hold the darkness in. Before he tossed his brother in a cave, the island seemed to be an area designated to protect the exact opposite. Every negative thing seems to be of Jacob's own doing.

Also interesting to me is the premise that MIB was kind of the original "man of science" wanting to know what the island is, how he got there, how to leave and such. Jacob has taken on the role of the first "man of faith" blindly going where his mother's will takes him.

The smoke monster's origin is fascinating to me as well. Is it actually the brother? Did Jacob release something else (perhaps an actual "security system") when he tossed him down there? Or is it simply MIB's "soul" taking the form of the monster, since his body is very much inside the cave. The idea that the light "resides in every man" is an interesting way to tie in the fact that Smokey can judge each of his victims and you can see elements of their life flashing around inside the cloud.

It would have nice to find out how the monster became sort of a "god" figure to them as well. The temple clearly didn't exist at this point (neither did the Tawaret statue). If Smokey hates people so much, it doesn't seem likely that he'd install summoning areas to do their bidding, unless he's trying to use them all to help him leave the island. Looks like we'll never know.


I went into the episode hoping for answers to all of LOST's greatest mysteries. Perhaps I had built myself up for a wonderful episode, but overall, it seemed disappointing. It felt like the episode raised more questions than answered. Since we have only two episodes left, I highly doubt anything we all want to know will be addressed. It seems like they copped out of it with the Mother's quote to Claudia earlier in the episode.

There's more to discuss, but I need to wrap this up. Sorry it was so long, but the episode surely was an emotion evoker, for good or bad. I'm now worried/excited about the last two episodes of the TV show that changed my life. Thoughts? Comments? Is there something I'm obviously missing? Theories? Let me know.

Namaste.

Hell Yes: LOST Tarot Cards

I lied, this totally fixes all my earlier problems. Flickr user  Alex Griendling (gravitybomb) has designed a series of LOST inspired "tarot" cards that scream awesome from every pore. I had a terrible time determining which one to use as the main picture. I decided to go for the character who had the most potential and the show completely squandered just because he went through puberty. The rest are freaking brilliant, check them all out here. 

LOST Season 2 Posters

 

So here are my season 2 minimalist adverts for LOST. They ended up a bit more actually illustrative than I wished, look for a return to the abstracted versions for season three. Thoughts? Predictions on next weeks lottery numbers?

That Put Me In A LOST Mood

So, here at Aaronthebond (here being my desk), we (we being I) wanted to try to create a series of super minimalist LOST promo pictures for each season. Tonight is season 1. Thoughts? Favorites? Indegestion?

New LOST Supper Promo Pic

ABC has released yet another promo pic for the final season of LOST. I mean, sure they're better than the school of the damned photos that were released earlier, but it still feels like they aren't really trying anymore. Battlestar Galactica's Last supper promo was far more awesome, mostly because I have a straight crush on # Six.

Alas, enjoy Jesus Locke.

It's Claire!

ABC has released the first LOST Season 6 promo pics. Call me crazy, but it seems that on their final season they would go for more than an "upset kid at a school photo session" look. I just keep imagining LifeTouch down in the bottom right of these photos. Check out the rest here.

Oh No(ish). Matthew Fox Is Leaving TV After Lost

Matthew Fox stated at Comic Con this year that this last season of Lost will be his final bit of TV acting.

" I am not going to do television again. I have done two TV shows – Lost and Party of Five – that have each run for 6 years. I want to find a way to have more control over when I am working and when I’m not.

I am 42 and a father of two children and I don’t want to miss them growing up. I don’t want to find myself 10 years from now feeling like I was an absentee father because I was so focused on my career."

You left TV to me when Jack shaved his chest. Yes. Suddenly the show was a character short. It was even shaved on the island. The days of hatch-shaving had been long gone with the explosion my friend. True story.

LOST: New Viral Video

ABC has released a new video from a "short lived program" of theirs in the "80s" that may be of particular interest to fans of LOST. I used to sit and analyze things like this hardcore. Now I just sit and pick my belly button lint. At least there's still sensible storylines there. Ay-oh. Enjoy.

When Sawyer And Jack Just Can't Cut It

This is (obviously) super old but I've never seen it til just now. Holy smoking turnips. I knew she had no career before Lost, she wasn't even worth a line on Smallville (just walking up to someone and making out with them). Perhaps this is where they got that idea. Fun stuff. Except for the fact that I kind of hate her character. Or her, I'm not sure.

LOST: Deciphering The Incident

I'm going to warn you beforehand. This is going to officially be my longest post. I wasn't going to continue my evaluations/sharing of internet wisdom any longer but dearest Emily told me I should do otherwise. So, let's get started

Hey, you like my homemade shirt?

The episode starts out with one of the most discussed yet never seen properties of Lost weaving a rug. Jacob then heads out and cooks himself some fish on a rock. We are lead to believe that the time period is somewhere in the 1800s. Could that be the Black Rock floating around out on the horizon? Hells yeah it could be.

We also finally get a good hard look at the statue in this brilliant opening scene. It appears (against everyone's predictions I might add) that it's definitely not Anubis but seems to be Sobek, a crocodile god. Before you go off and say WTF? crocodiles? Let's learn more: in mythology Sobek was linked to power, protection and fertility. That's right, he enables proper baby making.

Soon Jacob is joined by a mystery man. The internet has been abuzz calling him Esau (the Biblical Jacob's brother's name). I'm quite hesitant to believe that Lost would go so overtly Christian in their mythology, but we're going to use it for this review's sake.

Esau has a seat beside Jacob and begins the most important conversation in the history of Lost. In it, we find out that Jacob is the one that allows the island to be found by humans. He brings them there and Esau is terribly pissed about it. Esau says that they only bring destruction and carnage and that it always ends the same. Jacob tells him that it will only end once, everything leading to that is progress.

So, do you guys remember waay back in season one when Locke gives his speech about archaeologists finding backgammon sets in Mesopotamia and how it's the oldest game in the world? Well, it seems that our duo here fits the bill of the game quite handily. Jacob, dressed in white and Esau being the dark menacing figure struggling in an everlasting game.

Before leaving Jacob to finish his meal, Esau cooly asks if he realizes how much he wants to kill Jacob. He then warns that he will find a loophole and it will mean the end of the light.

It seems, from this, that their are rules to their interactions. Otherwise, what would be preventing Jacob from being filleted right there on that rock alongside his fish? It only seems like yesterday we were asking about the rules that Widmore and Ben lived by. That was a sandbox, now the big boys are playing.


Everyone Needs A Helping Hand

Throughout the episode we are shown key moments in our 815 and 316ers lives. In each, Jacob interacts with the passengers. What's the significance of this?

Our first visit is with Kate trying to shoplift the New Kids on the Block lunchbox that serves as the time capsule of hers and Tom's. (you know, back in season one...the toy plane that lead to her entire life of crime, well aside from blowing up her dad) She is caught and the cops are about to be called when Jacob steps in and pays for it. Kate promises never to steal again (lying bitch) and Jacob taps her on the nose.

Then we see young James Ford at his parent's funeral writing his iconic letter to one Mr. Sawyer. His pen runs out of ink and Jacob steps in and offers a replacement, giving his condolences to the child as well. When he hands over the pen, he lingers a bit and touches his hand.

Later, Jacob is sitting on a bench reading when Locke's body comes flying out of the building behind him. He cooly stands up and heads over to the battered Locke. He squeezes his shoulder and John awakes with a gasp. Jacob tells him he is very sorry that this had to happen to him and leaves.

We see Jack in yet another tie to the first season as he rips the dural sack of the 16 year old patient. He never mentioned in his retelling to Kate that it was good old Christian that gave him the idea to count to five and let the fear in. Jack fails at getting a candy bar and confronts his dad over putting him in a "time out". Afterwards Jacob shows up offering the candy bar and tells him the machine just "needed a push" while his finger lingers on Jacks.

Apparently Sun had two different wedding dresses? We see another flashback to their wedding and this time Jacob is a guest offering his congratulations in perfect Korean while patting them on the shoulders.

That's the entire list of the people we see him interacting with before the original fateful flight of Oceanic 815. Now, does this mean that they were the only ones who were intended to be there? We're not sure.

Moving forward, after the Oceanic 6 return to the real world Jacob comes to Sayid and Nadia as a lost tourist in Los Angeles. He asks Sayid for directions while Nadia proceeds to be plowed down by a hit and run SUV.

We also see him visit Ilana in a hospital and they both apparently speak Russian as well. Ilana is in terrible shape, her face completely bandaged. They seem to know one another and Jacob tells her that he needs her help. She is the only one that he doesn't touch.

The most interesting interaction was definitely that with Hurley. In this encounter, Jacob has no pretense and tells Hurley that he was waiting on him and that he certainly knows about the island. He asks what if Hurley isn't cursed, perhaps he is blessed. He also reassures him that he is absolutely not crazy. He tells him about the Ajira flight and that he can go back, but it's up to him.

So, what good did this do? We see that Jacob has interacted with each one of our passengers that are still alive and he seemingly hand picked (pun intended) them to be on either one of the planes. He also seems quite keen on free will as well.

Way Back Through Time And Through Space

The incident felt just like season two all over again right? Flying metallic objects, weird noises, white flashes of light. Ah, good times. A lot happened that I wasn't a fan of here so I'm going to hit on the highlights.

We finally get to see Rose and Bernard! They didn't die during any of the time jumping, in fact they went off and set up their on sweet little resort. Rose had one of the best lines of the night with "there's always something with you people". I want to be like them, happy and care free.
Was it just me, or was there something ominous about Bernard's offer of tea to Juliet?

In short, Jack has taken up Daniel's "reset everything" quest. One important thing that happens is that Richard tells him that Locke visited and told him that he would be their leader later. Richard says that during his visits to the mainland during Locke's childhood that he didn't seem very special at all. Sayid and Jack take the core of the bomb and traipse off to Dharmaville, only for Sayid to be shot in the gut and Hurley to come to the rescue in the Dharma van again. Juliet goes all broken heart badass and they get off the sub and are now planning on stopping/helping them. Whatever they choose in that five second interval.

How delightfully irritating was the return of that goddamned love quadrangle? Juliet loves Sawyer, Sawyer loves Kate, Kate loves Jack, Jack loves Kate. NO ONE CARES. There, I hope they all die instead of ending up with one another.

We see how Chang loses his hand. That, to me, presents several odd ideas. Since he still lost his hand, there are still things that happened before that are still happening. So, does Jack believe that this bomb will only affect their future? It confuses me and my brain hurts.

They toss the bomb in, it doesn't explode. Things start going all "I was wrong for not pushing the button" again and Juliet is sucked down into the ground by chains wrapped around her.

She, however, doesn't take a literal dirt nap. She awakens, badly injured and beats the shit out of the bomb with a rock until she altered the end credits with them being white and not black. Good going Juliet.


What DOES Lie In The Shadow Of The Statue?


Here's where the good story advancement happened. Where to start? How about Ilana, Bram and co? We see them arriving on one of the northern shores, crate and Lapidus in tow. Bram asks why they brought the furry pilot and suggests that he could be a candidate. Hmm...I wonder what for?

They end up visiting Horace's old haunt the cabin. It looks as though it's been through some rough times, even the kick ass dog painting is on the floor. Before they get there though, the notice that the circle of ash has been broken. I shall get into my theory about this later. Once inside, Ilana says that Jacob hasn't been there in a very long time. She also points out that someone else has been using it. They decide to end that by torching the whole thing.

With Locke's trek we see him tell Ben that he wants him to do the actual Jacob murdering bit. When asked why, Locke asks him why wouldn't he want Jacob dead. He mentions having to sacrifice his daughter and then being banished from the island, all in the name of a being he never met.

Richard grows even more hesistant as their journey continues. He genuinely seems worried about Locke's new plan about talking with him. He also is baffled by Locke coming back from the dead, an argument that Locke counters with asking him why he doesn't age. We find out he's that way because of Jacob.

Richard shows the way inside the statue to John and he and Ben start to enter. Richard tells him that only he alone can enter and is shot down once again and both walk into the base of the statue.

It's now that our two Ajira crews reassemble. Ilana asks for Richard and then goes on with her favorite bit of trivia "what lies in the shadow of the statue". We finally find out, in Latin no less, that it's "He who will protect/save us all". She seems satisfied by this answer and they open the crate to reveal Locke's dead body.

Woah.

We then go back into the statue and Ben finally meets Jacob. The J man definitely seems to know what's going on and says "I guess you found your loophole". Ben then starts asking questions about why he never was allowed to see Jacob, why he did what he did and what about him. Jacob responds with a scrutinizing "What about you?". Ben then proceeds to stab him repeatedly in the chest. In his dying breath, Jacob informs them that "they're coming". Locke then kicks his body into the fire.


Who Is That Mysterious Man?

We're about to get theoretical on your ass now. It seems that Locke has been dead all along. As we found out earlier in the season "dead is dead". I've read theories about clones, a Locke double. I don't buy it. I think it's as simple as this. Esau = Smokey.

We've seen him take on the forms of dead people plenty before. Yemi and Alex, as prime examples. So why couldn't he become the beloved John Locke, the leader of the others, to regain and audience with Jacob?

I've been reading for seasons now that Smokey's prerogative doesn't seem quite the same as Jacob's. It also helps explain why the monster keeps attacking. He hates people. He absolutely doesn't want them there. He feels they are vile and full of destruction. When Eko refused to repent, he ended his life.

It seems perfectly logical for Ben to be interacting with Smokey, since Jacob is nowhere to be seen. He heads over to Esau for a "judgment" (alone, while "Locke" is in another part of the temple no less) and what should the monster tell him? It says he must obey everything that Locke tells him.

This lends a new, even creepier vibe to the Christian Shepherd that's been waltzing about the island living in Jacob's cabin. He was quite honest though, when Locke asked him back in Season 4 if he was Jacob he tells him "No, but I can speak on his behalf". It's also quite scary to contemplate what that means is happening to Claire if she's in the possession of Esau.

This also means that Richard has been duped into buying into betraying Jacob by following E-Lockes' instructions to tell the old Locke that he must die in order to "save them". Esau needed Locke to be gone so he could become John to go take care of Jacob.

This episode has reduced the once fear-inducing mastermind of the others to nothing more than a pawn in the great game of the island. This, sadly, also seems to imply that Locke was indeed never special in his life. He was used, up until his last breath, and afterwards for that matter by a force of evil.

So What Happens Now?

That's one helluva questions ladies and gentlemen. You know that my feelings about this season were rather skeptical. In my opinion, it's still the weakest, but with some of the strongest most important information we've ever received. It's been a rough ride, but The Incident was a welcomed reward for sticking with it through the season.

Is the old, beloved Locke gone forever? That's what the implications are. I certainly don't hope so though.

Will the 1977 crew get back to their own time?

Will 815's path be reset and the crash never happen?

What exactly was so "special" about Desmond, seeing as how he hasn't been a major player in this season since the 3rd episode?

We shall find out, in approximately 8 months. It's going to be one wait.

What do you guys think?

LOST: Forget All That "Whatever Happened" Bullshit

Forgive me, I took some time off from the TV recapping to keep my sanity. Also, I didn't feel I had much to say about it. However, after many questions of what happened to it, here we are again.

This week's episode "The Variable" was another somewhat stronger addition to the season after that god awful middle part we saw. I'm going to skip the recap and give my opinion:

Good things:
1. I heart Hawking. Plain and simple, it has nothing to do with the character and everything to do with Mrs. Flanagan. Anytime she's on screen I'm ok.

2. We get some reasons as to why Daniel was so bloody scatterbrained. It was all his experimenting. Daffy bastard.

3. Juliet's delightfully snide bitchy response to Sawyer calling Kate "freckles". The code is 141717, you should go.

4. They seem to be bringing the idea of them being able to actually change what can happen up as a major possibility.

5. Kate saying what's on the audience's mind if 815 were to land successfully.

Bad things:
1. So, Faraday is the offspring of two British people, one of which, we know he spent time with. He has an American accent. Also, his name is Faraday. I don't get it.

2. Daniel died. That was...weird

3.That absolutely ridiculous shoot out with Radzinsky and crew. I just don't see Jack as the little action hero they tried to pull him off as.

Ok things:

1. Widmore is Daniel's dad. Well, obviously right?

2. Miles finally decides to stop being the Dharma chauffeur

So in short, they probably can change what's supposed to happen. They're (obviously) not supposed to be in the 70s and Daniel gets shot in the back by his own mother. Not a bad episode.

Only three to go, I think perhaps it could get better. We shall see.

LOST's Crew Gets A Cake

For tonight's 100th episode, the cast and crew of LOST received this cake from Charm City Cakes. I think this is pertinent, highly-important news. I also think that, had I done the cake, I would have added a nice "Make your show suck less" script into the sand. I think that would have been...necessary.