Well No Wonder Everyone Has One

Perhaps Zuckerberg is a genius. Or perhaps someone needed to get some to this point. Hmm, I will ponder.

And Russia!

If she ever became president, we are moving to Canada or New Zealand. I expect you all to come with. We shall not be able to refudiate the notion ;)

Deathly Hallows One Sheet: Yes?

It's official, we, as a society, cannot use whole words anymore. Instead of using the actual title of the movie, we can't even spell out the name of the main titular character. HP7 indeed. I'm surprised it's not HP7-1 and HP7-2. I do suppose that requires more time, we can't have that.

Having said that, I do enjoy the image.

A Disney Character Knows Better...

...than half of our country it seems. There's a reason Alice is my favorite, and it's not that fierce blue dress.

Beauty and the Beast Goes the Way of the Sparklepires

Stephenie Meyers should be shot in the forehead for ruining all "monsters" from here on out. Not only are vampires MAC Cosmetic representatives now and werewolves travel in abdominal baring packs, but the Beast is a bald guy with tattoos. Don't worry though, he's super sensitive (once he gets ugly, yet still very fit) and all he needs is some plain jane girl to give him blue balls, since girls don't give it up in fairy tales.

As an aside, which Olsen is this? I feel that it should be both interchanging every 15 seconds just to give teenage girls something else to talk about in forums.

America, I Give Up: Golden Globes Edition

So we have officially sold our souls.  Satan himself, James Cameron has won Best Picture (Drama) and Best Director for Avatar Pocahontas 2. Proving, for once and all, that we just don't give a shit.

Kudos, America.

Reiterate The Sadness: Top 5 Selling Singles Of The Decade

"Qua?"

just "qua?"

I also realized that I stopped listening to mainstream music before I...thought I did? I had heard each of these songs before (mostly not in their entirety) but the only one I knew knew was from 2001. Go me. I eat applesauce.

Surprise: Palin Joins The Ranks Of Fox News

Sarah Palin (Moose Spice) has joined the most conservative group in the entire world, the Jehovah's Witnesses,  Fox News. She shall be a political commentator on Fox News Channel, Fox News Business, Foxnews.com, and some other random outlet for her to spew gibberish and the middle class women who feel Hilary is too "successful" at her job. About the position Palin said:

"I am thrilled to be joining the great talent and management team at Fox News. It's wonderful to be part of a place that so values fair and balanced news."

Proving once and for all, she's a genius.

Dumbest Quotes of the Decade

The Huffington Post has collected several of the worst (and best) of our collective stupidity as a culture. They were quite merciful to Bush, seeing as how he still cries in his sleep. It's ok Bushy wushy, eat your pineapple.

Actually, pineapple is a sin. It's the gay of fruits. It makes fruits even gayer.

Check out the whole list here.

Westboro Finds Something Else God Hates

Fred Phelps and his satanic cult of a family over at Westboro Baptist have found yet another thing that God doesn't care for. Of course it's mostly related to the gays, but it's slightly different, in that it has a vagina.

In other news, their signs are getting better. Good for them. And the evil Christian of doom looks fierce.

Sorry for being rather late on delivering this news, you know me. lazy.

Sacrelege. Crappy "Death At A Funeral" Remake

I refuse to make this my normal size as a form of protest. I could have just not blogged about it and kept it from coming to your attention at all, but you are French.

So do you remember WAYYYY back in 2007, when Frank Oz (Freaking Yoda for Chrissake) made a super funny British comedy called "Death at a Funeral"? Oh, you don't?

Do you remember when Chris Rock, Martin Lawrence or Tracey Morgan was funny?
Oh, you don't?

I rest my case.

I'm Moving: Snuggies For Dogs

That's it. I'm going to Pakistan. I may die in some firefight, but I don't have to deal with this bullshit.

America Has Poor Taste Volume 3

Ladies and gentlemen, your number one movie of the week is: G-Force. G-Force. That's right, the guinea pig thing. I know that the Harry Potter movie was somewhat disappointing, but this? It's your own damn fault when we are watching adverts for G-Force 5.

Kid Decides Logical Way To Become Transformer Is Drink Gas

A 14 year old in China has been drinking gasoline daily since he was nine to become a powerful warrior like Optimus Prime (seen above, surprisingly the child doesn't look like this yet).

Two things:
1. His parents are concerned about it now??

2. His father uses not being good at math as an example of how bad it's become. A chinese boy, not good at math! The world is ending surely.

read the article here.

0h n0! Txting Teen Falls Dwn Manhle

Somebody give that bitch a license and a phone. Let's see how many we can kill. Check out the video newscast covering it here

What The Farking Fark? Stupid White People

It seems that an 88 year old (A flipping depends wearer) white supremacist, (who shall remain nameless in my writing seeing as how any attention paid to his name only seems to make him 'important') shot and killed a security guard in the National Holocaust Museum this afternoon. Condolences to the family of the guard. We can all only hope that the culprit gets to spend the next/last years of his life getting ass raped by at least seven black men.

My State Sucks.

The Montgomery County High school (located in the middle south of Georgia) was integrated in 1971. That, apparently, doesn't mean that it means anything to them, even now. They have two separate proms: one for the white students, one for the black. Look at those stupid Caucasian bastards, we can at least hope there was one accidental pregnancy amongst their ranks. Perhaps a syphilis outbreak or two. Read the story here.