Thank God For Japan

After the proper Christian shame following masturbation, my second thought is "Oi, I wish I could see those little buggers up close!" Well thanks to the Japanese (crazies) they have a microscope just for that. That's correct, this handy dandy micro is exclusively for guys to watch their swimmers die. Bless you Japan, bless you.

This....Isn't A Joke

Like, this lady is for real. She wants you to give her money for whatever it is that she does. Shit, I could be rich, I only need an inflatable toilet seat, a dance belt and a tube of chapstick.

But for seriously, go pay this woman and let me know exactly what happens.

Oscar Pennyworth Truckington

There is nothing as awesome as a well-dressed and hirsute truck. Nothing. Go away if you think there is.

His Super Power Is Space Conservation

I just found that kind of fun. I wish I could come up with something that handy. I don't exactly wish to live in a slightly larger proportioned cardboard box...but I wouldn't mind my walls moving around. That'd be neat...and stuff. Enjoy the Asian prowess.

More! Unintenional Porn

Just when you thought to yourself "self, you know what I haven't seen in approximately a week? Accidental porny things. I wish I had more" Jesus I have found more! And, like the saintly figure I am, I am sharing it with you. It's here. Go.

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Pretty Hardcore: Candyland Tatoo of Doom

Yeah, she felt this was necessary. Now, I don't know her or anything about her: but I bet this is a semen placement game. With children. Pedophile.

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Beauty and the Beast Goes the Way of the Sparklepires

Stephenie Meyers should be shot in the forehead for ruining all "monsters" from here on out. Not only are vampires MAC Cosmetic representatives now and werewolves travel in abdominal baring packs, but the Beast is a bald guy with tattoos. Don't worry though, he's super sensitive (once he gets ugly, yet still very fit) and all he needs is some plain jane girl to give him blue balls, since girls don't give it up in fairy tales.

As an aside, which Olsen is this? I feel that it should be both interchanging every 15 seconds just to give teenage girls something else to talk about in forums.

Unintentional Porn

Holy taco (yes, I was excited about that name too) has posted a series of 25 examples of accidental porn. Since everyone I know enjoys being peed on, I chose this as the main image to give you guys something to relate to. Enjoy.

The rest can be found around about here....somewhere.

Blog World: The Daily Bunny

Have you ever thought to yourself "self, I would be so much happier in life if someone would compile a website that puts a new picture of a bunny up every day"? Well if so, go get a job. When you are done with that, though, check out the daily bunny. A website that....puts a new....picture of a bunny up....every day.

Check out the humpy goodness here.

Thanks to Emiliana for the tipiana.

Heidi Montag Hates Plastic Things That Aren't In Her Face

Heidi Montag Says No to Plastic from Heidi Montag

Tits McGillicuty is back trying her poor little plastic face off to become relevant in society again. I posted this because good lord her boobs! and Ron Howard directed it. That's right. Apollo 13 to Heidi Montag. On this road, he's sure to get a new Oscar in no time.

Gays, No Way. You're Not Related So It's Wrong

Just because why not. Surprisingly both NY and California are on the list of those that let us cousins marry. I thought that was just here.

We got a lovely chip and dip when I got married to Sue Beth.

New(ish) Electric Six. Absolutely NSFW!

Electric Six "Body Shot" (2009) - NSFW 18+ from Another Reybee Productions, Inc. on Vimeo.

Please, under no circumstance play this video at work, or at home. Unless you enjoy lots of boobies. Not just those fit girl kind either. The old and the rotund are equally adored in this, yet another silly fun time, by Electric Six.

I had no idea this album was out...I can't keep up anymore

Vampires Were So 2009

In this new age of 2010, we, as a culture are so beyond the vampire craze that swept the world last year. Now, it's all about the angels. No, not that Gabriel Biblical crap. Real angels...that suck energy from humans and are very sexy.

And they tell us gays we're going to hell.

Happy new year!

This Is My Life, In Pastels

Read carefully, at least 50% of this is stuff I care about, and by care about I mean if you insult it you will end up dead. Not by my hand, but dead none the less.

I guarantee in 89 years, you'll be dead. It'll be because you questioned this awesomeness on Dec. ___ 2009. Fill in the blank and send by direct mail for a more personalized death guarantee. 

Invisible Shoes Are Invisible-ish (Kind Of)

São Paulo stationed shoe designer Andreia Chaves has introduced her? (it could be a man, I don't really know...or a hot tranny mess, let's go with that one) anyway, their (oooh there we go) new "invisible" shoe for the 2010 collection. It's rather invisible, unless of course you see them, which you will.

Side note to our women readers: Wear panties with mirrored shoes. I had a very embarrassing Wednesday night one time.

Blog World: Sketchy Santas

I'm just as confused as you are as to why this child isn't recoiling in a terror that would chill a grown man. In fact she seems quite happy. I believe, after thorough research of course, that she is a lizard alien and she is in need of the Earth's water supply.

However, that important fact is not the point of this post. What is the point, is that there is an entire website full of scary-ass Santas from around the world. Go rejoice in this, the creepiest of seasons. Click here, no here.

Maybe I DON'T Want To Visit Japan

 

Oddity Central has posted some pictures of a rather bizarre event that takes place in Japan. (weird right? odd things don't happen in Japan) So two fat Japanese people get in a ring lined with fluorescent lights then said fat people start being the proverbial shit out of each other with said lights. Sounds fun? These crazies in the front row seem to think so. And Jesus, he approves. 

I Kid You Not: Fresh Balls

Apparently, sweaty balls is a crisis that men have dealt with for generations. Well no more! Thanks to Fresh Balls (I want to find the marketing genius for that one) you can put lotion? on your balls to keep them dry? seems paradoxical to me, but whatever. I mean sure they get sweaty, but so do my knee pits. Do I need to put stuff down there too?

Check out the official site here.

Low-Resolution Girl Rocks

I'm actually really confused if you need me to say anything aside from that. Just to ensure that I meet my daily word typing quotas I present the following.

She is made of pixels. It's like watching a recorded britney spears video from the tv on the internet on a dial up connection on an Apple II monitor. In space.
In 1378.

Kick Ass Flute Rock Band Playing (I Didn't Feel Like Going Back and Making This A Real Sentence)

It's a video kind of day. Consider yourselves warned. Having said that, I wish I could play the flute. It sounds much nicer than my bellowing insistently at the controller thinking to myself "I AM every woman, it IS all in me"