Could be Disheartening

Well, except for me of course. There's a "well done" measurement at the end you see....

Eh oh, dick jokes. That's what I'm doing. I gotta go to bed.

Birthday Present: This Umbrella of Badassery.

Make it happen. If Jesus loved me, he would do it. But he doesn't. He tried to give me a poptart once and I declined. Took it personally. Rude.

Check out the awesome sauceness over here.

God Does Hate 'Em

I'm bringing one of these to one of my next dead soldier protests. The world needs to know.

Thanks to Cisco for the tip off.

The Apocalypse Is Nigh

Just in case God didn't hate us enough for inventing the Snuggie, now there's some electric version of the crap. I can only hope that everyone who buys one of these wears them through puddles.

Zap.

Need: Buffy Edition Jones Soda

So Jones soda, in an effort to become even cooler than they already are, is celebrating the Buffyverse by releasing a limited edition run of Buffy season 8 sodas in six different flavors. I need one of each, I expect them in the mail soon. Before he got fat I wanted to taste Xander's strawberries in real life anyway. It's time to live vicariously people.

Speaking of Unecessary Princesses...Car Lashes

Problem one: these are eyelashes for your car.
Problem two: the only women who will buy these can't drive already
Problem three: Problem one + Problem two.

Math is fun!

Jesus Christ On Iceskates, Why? The Snazzy Napper

Have you ever been a sad Conservative housewife who spits vitriolic hateful comments about various religions? Have you ever been completely unable to take a nap like a normal human being? Would you like to look like the people you profess to hate AND get a good catnap in? Then the snazzy napper is for you.

2012 can't come fast enough.

Phasers To Stunning Indeed!

It's apparently a ridiculous product kind of night. Since I have nothing really better to do than to scour the depths of the internet for all the useless in the world.

The second entry today is Shirtless Kirk cologne. The only kind of cologne a gay Trekkie would wear. I do feel, however, that it is important to note that Kirk never looked like that. Unless it's some weird bukkake fan art.

You can, regardless, buy it here.

Need? Necklace Of Thready Doom

It's not like I'd ever actually wear it, but isn't it nice to make sure you have the necessary outfit if one was ever invited to a head has been removed party? You would look like such a fool (the kind Mr. T would pity) if you didn't have one of these. Go buy one for yourself somewhere in this general vicinity here.

NEED: Sci Fi Jesus Fish

Like seriously, this is what I want for my birthday. It costs $5 but provides a lifetime of guaranteed happiness. It says so on the website. I think. Go buy it for me here.

Mega Score: Mad Men Barbies

Mattel is issuing a series of Mad Men dolls to help promote season 4 of the mega awesome super neat show on AMC. They need more doll for Kristina Hendrick's super curvy sexiness. Alas, this shall do for the mean time.

Will Need For Apple Products

So they got around to fully sending the iPad's name to the most literal sense of the word they could think of. Someone buy this man a cookie. Don't spend your time baking it. Baking is for women. I mean, c'mon.

Ridiculous Or A Little Cool? Jaguar Cycle

Massow Concept Cycles have developed this doozy of a bike modeled after a Jaguar (the animal, not necessarily the car of the same name/design of cat...that's just....very...coincidental...but probably)

So what do we think? Is it insanely retarded or a stroke of kitty bike genius? Both? Neither? Soup?

Invisible Shoes Are Invisible-ish (Kind Of)

São Paulo stationed shoe designer Andreia Chaves has introduced her? (it could be a man, I don't really know...or a hot tranny mess, let's go with that one) anyway, their (oooh there we go) new "invisible" shoe for the 2010 collection. It's rather invisible, unless of course you see them, which you will.

Side note to our women readers: Wear panties with mirrored shoes. I had a very embarrassing Wednesday night one time.

Give Tru Blood This Year

HBO's site is offering bottles of Tru Blood for sale. Aaron wants. I want to be like Bill Compton, sans the terrible makeup, and that accent.

The human version is less the blood, more of the orange flavor. They need to make a Jason Stackhouse flavor. That would sell. To me.

I Kid You Not: Fresh Balls

Apparently, sweaty balls is a crisis that men have dealt with for generations. Well no more! Thanks to Fresh Balls (I want to find the marketing genius for that one) you can put lotion? on your balls to keep them dry? seems paradoxical to me, but whatever. I mean sure they get sweaty, but so do my knee pits. Do I need to put stuff down there too?

Check out the official site here.

Need: Jawa Lawn Ornament

I don't have a lawn, but I do have a dream. It involves a small family of these living along side black people like they aren't secretly afraid. That and a truly everlasting gobstopper. 

This Is So Old, But Make Your Sex More Pork Scented

This just gives "squeal like a pig" a whole new meaning. However, that marketing writes itself.

Gives J&D a call.
Yes, that's right, Burt Reynolds has endorsed it.

Thanks to Cisco for insisting upon this, because this is everyday activity in Texas.

The Beatles Go Digital, Again

All of the fab fours newly remastered albums (that's 14 for you folks who worship Satan) are coming to the world of USB. On December 8th the Beatles collection will be on a $289  jump drive. I mean, it's shaped like an apple, and that's neat and all but almost $300? You're paying $20 per album and then a giant chunk more for a plastic apple.  I prefer red delicious anyway. 

Can't Wait To Pee? Don't

So, A Chinese company has decided to make a carseat that you can just lift up a flap and pee in. I can see several problems with this.

1. Having a penis
2. Having on clothes
3. Asians driving

Oh I'm just kidding. We should buy them Hot Wheels to feel included.