Congrats Gay British Celibates!

If you are a British gay man *and* you haven't had sex in ten years (which means, I suppose that you're only gay-ish that way), you can now give blood! So go save lives and butts.

Read more here.

Catwoman

So it has been written, so it shall come to pass. And Tom Hardy is Bane. This shall be an interesting film indeed.

The Real Unicow!

Apparently, a Chinese cow has become quite the ladies cow, er, tourist attraction after it has been shown to have a unicorn like horn growing out of the center of its head. Snazzy, you sexy cow you.

All the cool kids knew, however, that Unicow existed a long time ago. Proof:

Well This Makes Jurassic Park Even Worse

Not only was it fully of schlocky Spielberg directing. It was historically inaccurate. In yet more news that ruins all our childhood notions of dinosaurs (since Triceratops apparently didn't technically exist), they are now rather convinced that the T Rex looked like big bird.

Except bigger.

Feel free to want to cry. It's normal. It's also normal to remember I could technically say they were actually zig zag patterned with little plastic crowns on top and possibly be correct.

New Battlestar Galactica Spinoff

SyFy has ordered a two hour pilot of another Battlestar prequel that's not as...prequelly. Battlestar Galactica: Blood and Chrome will focus on a young Adama (who hopefully will be remotely as hot as Jamie Bamber) in the tenth year of the first Cylon War. SyFy's official announcement said the following:

Battlestar Galactica: Blood & Chrome takes place in the 10th year of the first Cylon war. As the battle between humans and their creation, a sentient robotic race, rages across the 12 colonial worlds, a brash rookie viper pilot enters the fray. Ensign William Adama, barely in his 20’s and a recent Academy graduate, finds himself assigned to the newest battlestar in the Colonial fleet… the Galactica. The talented but hot-headed risk-taker soon finds himself leading a dangerous top secret mission that, if successful, will turn the tide of the decade long war in favor of the desperate fleet. “The ‘Galactica’ universe as re-imagined by Ron Moore and David Eick is rich with possibilities and backstory,” said SyFy’s Mark Stern. “We jumped at the chance to revisit the William Adama character and explore this exciting chapter in the BSG narrative which falls between the events of the original series and the prequel, ‘Caprica,’ currently airing on Syfy.” “While maintaining the themes of politics, social propaganda, and the timeless question: what does it mean to be human? – ‘Blood & Chrome’ will also return us to the authentic, relentless depiction of combat and the agony and ecstasy of human-Cylon war, which was the hallmark of ‘Battlestar Galactica’s’ early seasons,” said Eick. Michael Taylor wrote the teleplay from a story by Eick, Taylor and Bradley Thompson & David Weddle.

Let the dorkiness commence.

Scissor Sisters TV: The Jane Fonda Edition

Ah, our monthly Scissor Sisters newscast is here to make me giggle and get giddy in general anticipation for their show on the 21st. If any of you out there in reader land are going, let me know. I need more company! I want a brigade of nerds to protect me from the gay surroundings, I'm virginal.

I'm Behind, But Jennifer Knapp....Congrats

Christian singer Jennifer Knapp has made the announcement this past week that she is a lesbian. Knapp rose to stardom in the Christian music scene with her debut album Kansas. When I was in high school, and trying to figure out how to go about living, I dipped into the Christian music scene. Knapp's gorgeous voice and obvious passion lent a sense of immediacy and connection that I had not felt with any other artist in the genre. I became an instant fan. As I grew up and realized that the Christian life was not only not for me but shunned me at every turn, I began to stop listening to the music associated with it. I never forgot how her music gave me chills at times, though.

I'm very happy for Jennifer in her decision to be honest with her fan base, regardless of the obvious threats it brings to her career in the CCM market. She, however, is going to be touring with Lilith Fair, so surely she will find many more people who can connect with her outside of the market she's in.

Best of luck Jennifer, I'm ecstatic you can be honest with yourself and the world and continue with your loving relationship.

Truly Shocking News: Ricky Martin's A Gay

In today's most truly earth-shattering news, Ricky Martin has stepped out of his boa-draped, glittery closet and admitted he may indeed be a homosexual. My jaw dropped to the floor of course. Never in a million years would I have believed that the rugged, manly man (see picture above) could be gay. I just don't buy it. That and mayonnaise, just don't like the stuff.

Dowdy Kitchen Man: How To Report The News

My ex did this for a living. Not being funny, but being a reporter for an eerily exactly formatted television station. Well there weren't British accents either, just sad. Good times.

It's An iPad.

Apple has finally announced their tablet computer called the iPad. It's like a giant iPhone. Literally. Except you can't make calls on it, except for the hundreds of videos where Apple geeks film themselves talking into it like it *is* a giant iPhone. People are so cool. Click here for some details. (on the iPad, not the cool people)

Eek! Gary Coleman Is Evil/A Wifebeater

Look at that, the midget anger, the dwarven deadliness. It's as if all the little souls in the world are in danger of this man's might. Mr. Coleman was arrested in Utah (it was the Mormon influence) and charged with domestic violence.

What are you talking about police officer?

Hero: 10 Year Old With More Sense Than Most of America

>So, I always hated the entire forced pledge thing. It felt like we were being brainwashed...to be patriotic zombies. In space. Watch it and remember that this kid has more balls than 90% of us. 

So the damn thing insists on having two of itself. Fine CNN, go for the overkill.

WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!! Giant Seagulls In Australia

::giggle giggle:: no, but for serious, I gave my grandmother a heart attack when she watched this.

Just kidding, She's already dead.

DJ AM's Death Pays Off: The Final Destination Is Still #1

So it seems that over the holiday weekend, all the cool kids were driving their new automobiles to their nearest cineplex and viewing moving pictures with three dimensional glasses. It's like a time warp, but without the jumps to the left.

What The Farking Fark? Stupid White People

It seems that an 88 year old (A flipping depends wearer) white supremacist, (who shall remain nameless in my writing seeing as how any attention paid to his name only seems to make him 'important') shot and killed a security guard in the National Holocaust Museum this afternoon. Condolences to the family of the guard. We can all only hope that the culprit gets to spend the next/last years of his life getting ass raped by at least seven black men.

Oh Unholy Hell. Buffy Relaunch? Why?

It looks like the most unholy of things is coming to pass in a nearby theater soon. (No, it's not yet another Fast and Furious movie). The Kuzui couple (executive producers for the Buffy movie, tv show and Angel series) is planning a "reboot" of Joss Whedon's cult favorite show. However, Joss Whedon won't be involved as it stands now.

Kuzui owns the rights to the character somehow and they are looking to make an "event sized" film that introduces a "new generation" to the slayer.

Prepare for the backlash Kuzui, some of those kids really get into the vampire thing. Like...with biting. We can only hope they (Kuzui, not vampire kids)die before this comes to pass.

People Like Guys With Claws, Who Knew?

Not even the leak of the entire film weeks ago could prevent slightly overweight basement dwellers from forking out their dough to see Hugh Jackman half naked and beating things up. Wait, I think I should go tonight. The movie grossed $87 million this weekend. I made that yesterday at my stripping job. And by that, I mean $2.15 and by stripping job I mean picking lint out of my bellybutton.

Britain Says We Must Stop The Fatties

Britain's Sun Paper (classy source, I know) has released an article saying that scientists have discovered that the obese are a giant cause of global warming. So I say, logically, that Lane Bryant is run by Satan. I feel that that's a justifiable leap. Also, I provide a fool-proof solution: Urban Safari trips. Poaching is welcomed. Yes, yes. Read the article here.

As an aside, the fact that the word "Fatties" is in their headline is just too funny.

Jesus Really Does Love Me: Pizza Vending Machines

This orgasm inducing pizza vending machine, found in Europe right now, makes a complete fresh pizza in under three minutes. It costs about 6 Euros and looks like it would make me smile. I'd probably also end up running to the toilet shortly thereafter. You win some you lose some. Right toilet?

When Fat People Get Poor

They apparently buy more candy to get in worse shape! CNN.com posted this video showing how during economic crunches, people are flocking to candy instead of doing their own. Just what America needs! At the same time, I suppose it's nice to see something doing well. Gah. If Wonka only was single... and gay....and huge.

Btw check out the super-posed candy interview lady. She loves flutter sleeves. They are just "like so fab"