Reason 4563242 Stephanie Meyer Has To Be Stopped

See, when I was in high school these kids would have been, deservedly, beaten. Now they get news segments. I'm glad I'll be dead within this century so I won't see the inevitable Sparklepire related doom we're all headed for.

Phasers To Stunning Indeed!

It's apparently a ridiculous product kind of night. Since I have nothing really better to do than to scour the depths of the internet for all the useless in the world.

The second entry today is Shirtless Kirk cologne. The only kind of cologne a gay Trekkie would wear. I do feel, however, that it is important to note that Kirk never looked like that. Unless it's some weird bukkake fan art.

You can, regardless, buy it here.

Need? Necklace Of Thready Doom

It's not like I'd ever actually wear it, but isn't it nice to make sure you have the necessary outfit if one was ever invited to a head has been removed party? You would look like such a fool (the kind Mr. T would pity) if you didn't have one of these. Go buy one for yourself somewhere in this general vicinity here.

Lost Animals All Funny Like

Smosh has accumulated a list of rather amusing posted notices about lost animals and the varying states of desire to get them back. As always, it's useful for a jolly good laugh. Did you know that minerals are mineral-like substances made from mini minerals? True story my chap.

Check out the rest of them here!

Road Sign Win

Some idiot Genius in Wisconsin hacked into a road construction information sign and had it inform drivers of one of the most important messages in human existence. Electric Six may not be making very catchy tunes anymore, but that doesn't lessen the fact that this song will remain forever kick ass. And now Wisconsin is aware (someone, somehow needed to bring something interesting to that state).

Thanks to Mathias McClurious for the tippity do dah.

Blog World: I Park Like An Idiot

Have you ever had to deal with someone not being able to park? (Have you ever been to Atlanta?) if you answered "yes" to the latter, we now know your answer to the former. Well, next time you see some idiot who can't manage just snap a photo and send it to "I Park Like An Idiot". Then we can all look at this photo and say "yes, yes they do" and be on our merry, parkable ways.

Check it out here.

Robyn's "Dancing On My Own" Video

Robyn 'Dancing On My Own' (Official Video) from Robyn on Vimeo.

It's fun enough, although it's not nearly as weird as her other recent (and by recent I guess I mean 2 year old) videos. Enjoy the longing, desperation, and Swedish type things.

LOST: The End Part One: The Afterlife

Hello there, It's been a while since I posted (anything) on the blog, but most importantly, it has been about four days since the series finale of LOST and I am just now getting around to writing this up. This can be attributed to several reasons, which I will now share with you in the following order.

1. I didn't get to watch it until mid day Monday.
2. I cried a little afterwards, so I didn't want to write it then.
3. I felt I needed to go do lots of research to formulate correct thoughts
4. I kind of just also needed a day or two to wrap my head around it. I didn't know how to structure a review/opinion of the end of a lifestyle for me for the past 5 years.
5. It's the LAST EPISODE OF LOST EVER. I think I thought if I put it off, and I didn't make it final, then this maybe wasn't going to be true.

Alas, enough time has passed and I need to get on this like white on rice....unless it's brown rice. Then...brown on rice?

Since this episode was so dense and so....just huge, I will be dividing the review into two parts; the Afterlife and the Island.

We will start with the most important thing to walk away with from this episode.

Everything that happened on the island was real.

If you read around the message boards and some of the usually reliable review sources seemed to have completely missed the boat (no pun intended) on this one. Christian completely and matter-of-factly states that this is the case.

                                       Christian completely and matter-of-factly stating that this is the case.

The very end of the episode was the big reveal that the entire "alternate timeline" story arc that had become so frustrating throughout the season as we realized that answers weren't coming as long as they were spending time with what seemed random, was indeed a sort of afterlife. Christian explains that there is no "now" in this place and that they "created" the area to find one another in order to cross over.

All of the flash-sideways (as they had become known as) were essentially one big long con from the creators of the show. They timed it perfectly with season 5's "reboot" plan. The entire season, I felt completely confused as to how the "alternate" Losties would end up mattering in the long run. I was also terrified that this timeline would "win" out, as I stated in the previous review. I'm very glad that they decided to make every single action on the island matter in some form or fashion (to an extent, we can touch on that later in part two).

The last ten minutes were both insanely beautiful and apparently very dividing of the LOST fan base. Some people cried foul while others rejoiced at what they called an almost perfect ending. I, somehow, managed to land myself in between these opinions. I thought it was a poignant ending, but it certainly was not the best LOST had ever offered us.

I have always been an "answer" person and I was, admittedly, disappointed when almost nothing was explained. We didn't get any kind of definite answer on a number of pressing questions from seasons past such as:

1. Why couldn't the women on the island have babies?
2. Why was Walt special? (where in the gay hell WAS Walt?)
3. Who built the temple?

to name a few of course. I do remember the writers saying not too long ago that if "it didn't matter to the castaways that it wasn't going to matter in the final season". So I was prepared to enter the show not finding out too much, but it was disheartening to be correct.

On the other hand, the ending was, from a character standpoint, entirely satisfying. Every character from Oceanic (aside from Walt of course) found one another in the place they created and they all are able to go into the next life full of joy and love. It was sad learning that all of the characters we loved over the course of these years died, but as Christian says; "Everyone dies sometime, kiddo."

The revelations of their current situation were also, for the most part, beautifully done.

Jin and Sun seeing their daughter for the first time jarred the memories of their lives into their minds and they suddenly know that everything is going to be ok. It also means that this Ji Yeon isn't real, but we won't focus on the orphans from this fact. I do, however, find it odd that their daughter isn't really involved in the crossing over process. I know that neither of them ever really knew her that well, but she is their child.

Speaking of children, it appears that Jack's son David is a completely imagined entity. One reviewer stated that David represented what Jack longed to be as a child: able to forgive. Perhaps David was created to help Jack get over his issues with his own father and finally "let go" as Rose so wisely said back in the first episode of the season. When Jack starts to have his flashes of his actual life, Locke rather bluntly states that he doesn't have a son and that just sends Dr. Shephard reeling, eventually leading him to run into Kate at the benefit concert and beginning his journey of discovery about his life.

Kate, Claire and Charlie share their flashes together. While Claire has Aaron in this timeline, the trio all realize what is going on and also start to put the pieces together. Here another child-problem presents itself in my opinion. At the church, in the end, Claire is holding Aaron. As to whether this is the real world Aaron and that he has died too, I'm somewhat confused on.


Sawyer and Juliet's encounter was one of my favorites, while it changed the entire vibe of the season premiere's exchange with Miles. When he is "speaking" with her body he tells Sawyer that she says "it worked". Since we know now that did not refer to Jughead at all, we are left to possibly interpret it as him just picking up bits and pieces of the conversation that she has with Sawyer in this episode. She can be referring to a vending machine. That kind of tripped me out, I'm not going to lie. I'm very very glad that Sawyer and Juliet ended up together in the end, because Sawyer and Kate never did it for me in the slightest.


Also speaking of odd relationships. This episode provides us with another twist that Shannon, not Nadia, is Sayid's "soulmate". Color me surprised I suppose. One of the reviews I read stated that Nadia was perhaps more a "pipe dream" and that Shannon's love was more pure, with her knowing exactly what Sayid did before. (although, now that I think about it, that doesn't really justify it, because when the Oceanic 6 came back, Nadia was there with Sayid knowing far more about his past than Shannon ever did). I shall have to ponder this even more.

This episode also provided us with one of the most sought-after moments for me. The return of the real John Locke. It had been over a season since we caught a glimpse of the man responsible for some of the best moments LOST had to offer. When he's in the hospital bed and begins to move his toes, I kind of got a little teary. One fact that almost broke my heart in the long run was that Helen was not with John when the group crossed over. If Penny can be there, why in the world can't John's one true love?

Regardless, the exchange between Locke and Ben outside the church, when you realize that Ben wasn't "ready" to cross over (that totally makes more sense now when Hurley was talking about Ana Lucia in the last episode, by the way) was classic LOST. The two spoke like old friends, while acknowledging their intense animosity in life. Locke being full of forgiveness spoke to the man of faith Locke had shown himself to be the entire series.

On to Ben. I'm not 100% sure I buy the him being part of the "cool kid's club" bit yet. It may take more time to completely swallow that pill. I realize that since the place is timeless, Ben had several years to redeem himself as Hurley's "number 2" on the Island. It still just feels weird to think about it in those terms though, seeing as how he killed Widmore in cold blood in the last episode and up until early in this one, he was in cahoots with what we've come to know as evil incarnate.


Some people have complained about the finale being "overtly religious" and while there are a few Christ references in Jack's death (see part two in a day or....two). I thought that the writers did a very good job making the afterlife seem as vague as possible. The doors opening to reveal a light doesn't speak to any religion specifically and could lead to a number of things. This is one of the things LOST left open ended and was all the better for it.

There's also questions of whether focusing purely on the endgame in the distance for all of our characters if the finale somehow negated the Island events. Sure, it all mattered, but if everyone ends up in Happy land, did it all really matter? How do you guys feel? Was the character resolution more important than the answers or a more "immediate" ending?

Stay tuned for part two where we'll be discussing events on the Island and having some general final comments.

I'mma Get You Bobby B

This is literally years old, but I love Maya Rudolph. I was looking for the funniest SNL skit ever (which is her Diana Ross in jail) and it literally DOES NOT EXIST in the internet. NBC doesn't have it, no other site has it. I could only find a transcript and reading is for you know...not me. I did, however, find this gem and I cried a little watching it. Not out of sadness, but out of onion induced agony. Or laughter, I never get those two straight.

No! They're cocaine brownies!

LOST: What They Died For

Hello boys and girls. Sorry for the delay on this recap/analysis. I was doing lazy people things and didn't get around to it. So, what I'm going to try to do for this, the penultimate episode of LOST, is give thoughts and theories without a full blow by blow of the entire episode. I'm just going to count on you to have seen it and remember things.

First of all, after seeing this week's offerings, I feel somewhat less angry at the previous episode. Jacob explaining that he indeed is the source of all their woes and further explaining his past (regardless of how in depth it was) somehow made the entire thing plausible to me.

We'll touch on the events of the Alternate Timeline first:

Interesting tidbits included:
1. Jack has that damn cut on his neck again. - He should either stop trying to shave in his sleep or realize that he had another life already. We still don't know who David's mystery mom is but I somehow doubt it's an awesome enough reveal to take up time in the finale.

2. "It's the day of the show y'all!" - it seems that all of our alternate timeline Losties will be heading to David's concert. Unless it's a special location, I may be lost on the importance of the event (unless it's also just serving as an excuse to get everyone in a single location without a sketchy alleyway meeting).

Wait, totally scratch that. It's a benefit for Pierre Chang's museum. Location makes sense now. 

3. ROUSSEAU! That's pretty much enough said. She looked old lady sexy.

The whole love connection vibe between her and Ben? Somewhat creepy but it eerily worked at the same time. Color me French and confused. Her not being dirty and confused forced me to make Babylon 5 comparisons. It's hard being a dork.

4. Desmond does good dirty work. - After Ben stops him from running all over Locke again, Desmond repays him by beating the ever loving crap out of him. So now Ben can be added to the list of Losties remembering their past lives. Why is it that Hurley's is the only non violent one? Everyone else needs to get shot or nearly drowned, but Hugo Reyes just needs a kiss from a mental patient.

We shall see if Sayid, Kate, Sawyer, Claire and Jack need painful reminders of their true calling or if maybe they all just need to make out.

Oh yeah, and Ana Lucia shows up to be a dirty cop as per usual. She seems to be one of the few alternate timeliners that doesn't really have it better off in this world. Where she realizes the wrong of her ways on island, this Ana Lucia is completely content to take bribe money and help three criminals escape.

The finale will be truly interesting to see if this alternate stuff actually works. It's seeming more and more likely that this timeline will "win out" in the end. I'm still not sure how I feel about all of the events of the show not really counting in the long run, but I may not have a choice. The writers promised that there wouldn't be a "everything's a dream" ending. I think that "this all happened in another parallel universe" may be too close for comfort. I digress though, I will love it all. I have for the past 6 years.

Now. On to the island.

1. Full Circle - In a mirror scene from the pilot, Jack is now sewing Kate up while they are sad about Jin and Sun dying. They finally mention that they had a bloody child waiting back in the real world. Sayid, apparently, gets no love for saving who he did. People just cry about the asians and they're orphan making decisions. (This is one of the many reasons I think the alternate timeline will "win". The show has killed people but I highly doubt they're going to actually leave Ji Yeon an orphan. We shall find out.)

2. I understand why he wanted to leave - Bratty Jacob showed back up and stole his ashes from Hurley. This makes possible the kumbaya moment at the fire later.

3. Speaking of which - Jacob decides to show himself to everyone for the first time ever. (It's a little late mate) He tells them that one of them is destined to take over as guardian of the island to both keep the Smoke Monster from leaving as well as protecting the light. The job just keeps getting more complicated. We find out that Kate was only not a candidate because she adopted Aaron. I think it's more likely that Jacob realizes she's irritating as sin and didn't want people to have to deal with her for eternity. I find mine more reasonable.

Jacob fesses up to all the crap he's stirred and the Losties go along for the ride. He also explains to them that he will not tell any of them to take the job, that he wants them to have what he never did: a choice. They ask the obvious "what if none of us wants it?" and he informs them that it would simply be very bad. Jack steps up as the next choice for protector and Jacob takes him to have a drink. It turns out that the wine is not what's magical, but the incantation. So stream water can make you immortal if you know enough Latin.

Jacob reveals the light (well he tells Jack about it) and informs him that it's right beside where Jack woke up in the Pilot episode. So the show could have been over if he had just looked to his right instead of the left over at Vincent.

4. Meanwhile back in Dharmaville - Ben, Richard and Miles determine they still REALLY want to blow Ajira sky high so they head to get some C4. They find that as well as Zoe and Widmore. They have an exchange (including Widmore having seen the error of his ways thanks to Jacob - further fueling Ben's hatred of him) and everyone kind of splits up as they realize Locke is heading their way.  Locke enters the camp in smoke form and sends Richard literally flying. Poor Richard, he's going to have to reapply the eyeliner.

Locke sits and has a talk with Ben and they make a deal: Ben can have the island when Locke leaves. This let's Ben's bitchy side give Widmore and Zoe to him.

5. Parting is such swe- *spew, gurgle gurgle* - Locke enters the secret room with Widmore. He tells Zoe not to speak to smokey. Locke doesn't really agree with this decision and cuts her throat since she's now "useless". Locke finds out from Widmore (at threatening Penny's life) that Desmond has been brought in as a failsafe since he has a resistance to electro-magnetism. Ben then decides that he wants to be bitchy again and shoots Widmore dead on the spot. *sigh* He can't make up his mind.


So now we find out that Desmond is no longer in the well. *cue dramatic theme*. Also, it seems that Smokey has a change of plans, instead of leaving the island he wants Desmond to blow it to smithereens for him. (Yet another reason that I think the Alt timeline is going to come out ahead. I doubt the nuke would have sunk the island. I think it's whatever Desmond is going to do.)

In the end.

The time for theories almost seems to be gone. There's just an episode left, to tweak a familiar LOST theme "what happens happens".  There won't be a "next season" to talk about. What They Died For was your standard putting pieces in place Lost lead in to the finale. It was informative, even more people died and most importantly it made me realize that this is almost over folks. The one show that has kept every cool dorky person thoroughly engross for the better part of the decade is coming to an end.

I'm usually all about spoilers, but I'm trying to leave the finale completely unknown to me. We have two and a half hours left people. I can't wait and yet I never want it to come.

Blog World: Boys Cuddling

Yes, it's exactly what it sounds like and yes, it's delightful. I don't, however, enjoy looking at people cuter than me being all lovey dovey. It makes me want to become anorexic again, or for the first time.

Look at the boys spooning around here somewhere.

The Post Its Are ALIVE!

This is roughly as old as my great grandmother, but I hadn't seen it so I will make you suffer through it if you have. Or, you can just not click the gorram thing. It's really up to you, or your fingers if they so choose on their own. Someone call Devon Sawa, Idle Hands should get a sequel.

In other news, I need to do more cool things in life.

How Does This Make You Feel? Jake Shears

So the Scissor Sisters' main man is shirtless on the cover of the newest Tetu magazine. Yes, he's quite fit. Yes, he's insanely talented musically. Is he hot though? I need time to mull this over. Someone bring me a ham.

Period Table of Superhero Characteristics

Did you ever wonder what Batman's legacy was made of? Turns out it's pure O. Comic Alliance has posted this handy dandy notebook chart of the elements that make a great superhero...metallic?

Read, enjoy, click to make grow, etc.

Life Is Good: Reason 1

I came home to the entire Daria collection on DVD. That's like having Christmas sex with Ryan Reynolds but featuring less jealous Scarlett Johansson. It's true. Also, this marks the first time I've ever been seen on my blog. I shall keep it to a bare minimum, I promise.

Unless I get some Cheezits, then I'll probably make a video.

Finally! Res Has A FREE Sophomore Album

There's a high chance you don't remember Res from early last decade. There's a higher chance that that makes you less cool than me. "How I Do" was one of my favorite albums in my last years of high school. Well, like 8-9 years later, she has released her follow up "Black.Girls.Rock." and best of all it's free.

Head over to www.the1res.com and download it as well as a fully designed digibooklet to go along with it. It will please me. Make it so.

If Lost Were A Sitcom

This is obviously exactly how the show should end. This Jack has large arms, they look...meaty. Best part of the entire thing: Faux Claire crying her eyes out and exclaiming the immense difficulty involved in leaving the jackasses she's stranded with.

Poor Claire, poor us for LOST sucking it up so far. Poor Jehovah's witnesses for seeing him in the shower that one time and not being able to stop talking to everyone else about it.

Well, Of Course: Werewolves Come To True Blood

HBO has released the latest, and probably weakest promo poster for the third season of True Blood starting in the middle of next month. Since the entire world is moving from Vampires on to their hairier counterparts, so is this show. (No, no I realize that these books have been around forever and the show is somewhat trying to maybe kind of follow along in a sense that isn't really real or actually paying attention to the books at all)

So how do we feel about this? Do we care? Is Jason Stackhouse going to be mostly naked as usual?

I Feel Sexier: Failed Sexy Album Covers

The always funny people over at Cracked have compiled yet another list of things that are creepy/amusing/sad/disturbing/other words/starburst/orgasm for our amusement!

This time, it's everyone trying to be sexy for their album covers. Oddly enough, it's mostly men. It seems that they're ok with most women slutting it up for the covers. As you should be.

The list full of nipply goodness can be found here.

Thanks to Cisco County Jr. for the tip!

Random: Charlotte Gainsbourg's "Heaven Can Wait"

I always wanted to meet a pancake astronaut, just call it a childhood dream I guess. Well now thanks to Miss Gainsbourg, my dreams are indeed a reality. I feel like Miss America, but without the McDonald's endorsement.

Thanks to Joanna McSkinnylady for the tip

Blog World: Fake Science

Here is Sarah Palin's only trusted source of scientific info (because God doesn't believe in science, so neither does FOX News). When reality is too complicated, turn to Fake Science.

Check out the hilarity over here in the direction of left then forward twenty paces.

St. Vincent's "Laughing With A Mouth Of Blood"

I'm not sure how I haven't seen this before, because St.Vincent is essentially a small Texan lady version of God, but I hadn't. So forgive me small Texan lady version of God.

Also, this is a good reason to check your Facebook, sometimes cool people have cool things on there. So thanks Briana for inadvertently helping me out. 

It's Back! LOST: Across the Sea

Hello there boys and girls. I know that I haven't done a write up for LOST the entire season so far. Before, I didn't feel that I would be able to commit enough time to all of it and I didn't want to half ass it. Now that there are only 2 new episodes to go after this one, I felt I needed to jump back on and share my thoughts/research findings with you guys. So here we are on the next to penultimate episode of LOST: Across the Sea.

The episode starts off back in the water with another wreck. We meet the lady in the water Claudia and learn she's quite preggers. She's coughing and choking on the beach and makes her way up to a stream and begins to drink. All of a sudden Juno's stepmom appears:

She offers her hand and *touches* the lady and takes her back to the caves from Season 1. Claudia begins to ask questions and she simply tells her that

                "Every question I answer will simply lead to another question. Just rest" 

Claudia then proceeds to give birth to who she names Jacob. The fun isn't over though, seeing as how she pops out another little youngin' and can't manage to think of a name for him. Allison Janney then apologizes and knocks poor mommy out cold, killing her – if you weren't sure. :P

We zoom forward in time around ten years and Jacob and as of yet unnamed kid are playing on the beach. Smokey finds a box and opens it, revealing a game played with white and black stones. He and Jacob play a round or two and Smokey asks that Jacob not tell mother, because she would take it away.


Naturally Jacob goes running back to the cave and Mother (since she took over the role after murdering the real one) is there working on a nice little tapestry (so that's where Jacob got his weaving notions).  She realizes that Jacob is trying to lie to her and heads out to the beach and talks to Lil' Smokey. She informs him that Jacob isn't like him and that Smokey is "special". She also had left the game for him. "Where else would it have come from?" she asks. Also in this scene is her insisting that the island is all there is in the world.

More time goes by and Jacob and Smokey are out hunting boar. Unfortunately some people with very large belts beat them to the punch and they hide. When the men leave, the run back to Mother and tell her what they saw. She commences to blindfold them (logically) and walks them out into the jungle, telling them about how all people "are corrupt and violent and that it always ends the same way". She leads them to: *drumroll please*

A light.

In a cave.

Apparently this is very important.

Alright.

She informs the boys that the light is "inside every single man" but no one can know that the "source" exists because "if they knew they would want more" and that would "extinguish" the light and if the light goes out on the island, it goes out everywhere.

She also tells them that they can never go into the light, because it is a fate worse than death.

So we now seem to know that the island is special because of a magical light. Check.

Now, there are a couple of references to this throughout the show, I suppose. Back in season one Locke said when he looked at the monster that "he saw the heart of the island and it was beautiful" and compared it to a bright light. So, if you're paying super close attention and never forget a line, this could in theory work. We can touch on the rest of the references later.

Ok, so then Smokey sees his real mother while he's playing the game with Jacob one day. Jacob seemingly can't see her. Smokey follows her and learns all about his past, that he's from "across the sea". He confronts Jacob about all of this and blondie goes on a rampage, beating Smokey up, although we learn that the reason that they can't kill one another is that Mother has made it so "they can't harm one another". This obviously doesn't apply to full on beat downs. Mother explains that she had to kill their real mom because she had to protect them from becoming one of "them".  Smokey isn't buying any of this crap and sets out to live amongst the people who shipwrecked with them ten years prior.

More time passes and we see the adult Jacob watching the "others" from afar. He goes and plays yet another game with Smokey. This time talking about the nature of the people MIB is living with. Smokey says that essentially, their Mother was correct and that they are corrupt at heart. Jacob claims if it's so bad why does he stay with them, and Smokey informs him that they're a "means to an end" and that he has found a way to finally leave the island and return home.

We get to travel to the building of the well (or one of them it seems). Smokey informs Jacob, with the help of his trusty dagger from throughout the season, that there are several areas on the island where metal behaves oddly. When they find these areas they dig.

Jacob, once again, runs and tells mommy what's what with good ol' Smokey and she pays him a little visit. He explains that he's been trying to find the light for over thirty years and he has never been able to get there again, so he and his people are working on a way to find another way to it. He explains if he installs this wheel *ta dah* and channels the light and the water, he can go home. This, of course, makes absolute sense. So much sense, it seems, that his mother felt compelled to try her tried and true tactic of head against rock on him.

We then see Mother back at the light source with Jacob telling him that he is the one that is destined to protect it. Jacob flat out asks her why him and informs her that he knows that she loved Smokey more. She replies that "she loved them differently". She convinces Jacob to drink from her bottle (the same one that he explains the nature of the island to Alpert and has him drink from). After mumbling a little incantation, and giving it to him, she informs him that he is "the same" as her now.

When Smokey awakes, his well has been covered up and his entire village massacred and burnt. Naturally, this does less than please him so he heads for the caves. He proceeds to stab Mother clean in the gut and asks her why she did it. "Because I love you" she says. Then she proceeds to thank him and die. It seems the implications are that she could not die on her own accord or that she had to find a replacement before her life could end. It seems that it may be the first one, since Jacob has not fully "initiated" any successor. (that's if the entire process of drinking the wine and such is necessary, which it seems to be given Alpert and Jacob's using it)

Jacob then enters the cave and gets his smack down on again, while Smokey asks him to not kill him. "Oh I won't kill you" is the response and Jacob drags him back to the source of the island.

He tosses Smokey down and his head cracks on the rocks in the river. His body then floats down into the light.

Soon after this, the smoke monster we all know and love comes roaring out of the cave. So, also, knowledge of the night: It seems that Jacob has created Smokey.

Later, Jacob finds his brother's body and brings him to the cave and lays him to rest with the bag of stones beside their "mother".

So Lost knowledge: Adam and Eve are more like Cain and Eve. Also, Jack is certainly not as reliable as carbon dating, seeing as how he quoted the skeletons as around 40-50 years old. He was only off by 1500 years or so.

Speaking of Jack, how ANNOYING was the intercuts from "House of the Rising Sun" back from season one. It's like "OMG OMG look, we're explaining something back from way at the beginning!" "What, you might not remember?! here it is here it is! Clumsily edited into this supposedly touching scene!"

The only good that did was remind us how sexy Jack was back then when he had chest hair.

                                             (not the same episode but om nom nom nom)

I digress:

So, let's make some sense of this.

Things we learned

1. The island is special because of a magic light that is in all people
2. Jacob and the MIB were once just people and nothing special, like the rest of the show
3. Mother informs MIB that he can't leave the island, but Jacob does so at will throughout the show.
4. Jack was sexy in season one.
5. Jacob created the smoke monster by throwing his brother into the magic light.
6. Their "Mother" was the original guardian of the island
7. Adam and Eve are really Jacob's brother and adopted? mother

Things we don't know now

1. What is the purpose of the ash?
2. What IS the smoke monster (still)?
3. Is the entire explanation of the show that it's just "magic"?
4. What exactly is the light?
5. Is the light the source of the healing powers?

So it seems that since the Man in Black wanted to find out about his real life and wanted to get away from the murdering woman holding them there, that he is the ultimate evil. I'm not too sure I feel ok about this. The entire episode seemed as if the MIB was the victim in the situation, while Jacob was just a lackey for his mom. Jacob, also, created the largest threat on the island. Also, I'm now confused about Jacob's explanation to Richard about the island being a cork to hold the darkness in. Before he tossed his brother in a cave, the island seemed to be an area designated to protect the exact opposite. Every negative thing seems to be of Jacob's own doing.

Also interesting to me is the premise that MIB was kind of the original "man of science" wanting to know what the island is, how he got there, how to leave and such. Jacob has taken on the role of the first "man of faith" blindly going where his mother's will takes him.

The smoke monster's origin is fascinating to me as well. Is it actually the brother? Did Jacob release something else (perhaps an actual "security system") when he tossed him down there? Or is it simply MIB's "soul" taking the form of the monster, since his body is very much inside the cave. The idea that the light "resides in every man" is an interesting way to tie in the fact that Smokey can judge each of his victims and you can see elements of their life flashing around inside the cloud.

It would have nice to find out how the monster became sort of a "god" figure to them as well. The temple clearly didn't exist at this point (neither did the Tawaret statue). If Smokey hates people so much, it doesn't seem likely that he'd install summoning areas to do their bidding, unless he's trying to use them all to help him leave the island. Looks like we'll never know.


I went into the episode hoping for answers to all of LOST's greatest mysteries. Perhaps I had built myself up for a wonderful episode, but overall, it seemed disappointing. It felt like the episode raised more questions than answered. Since we have only two episodes left, I highly doubt anything we all want to know will be addressed. It seems like they copped out of it with the Mother's quote to Claudia earlier in the episode.

There's more to discuss, but I need to wrap this up. Sorry it was so long, but the episode surely was an emotion evoker, for good or bad. I'm now worried/excited about the last two episodes of the TV show that changed my life. Thoughts? Comments? Is there something I'm obviously missing? Theories? Let me know.

Namaste.

"Prom Fashions, Sluts Make" Says Yoda

Fashion Indie has gathered up a list of 10 of the worst individual and sets of prom kids ever in the history of tomatoes. You should look at it to feel better about your overpriced polos and khakis. Go on, you know you wanna. Check it out here.

Kid Sings, Does Things I Can't

So Justin Beiber 2.0 has hit the scene at some random school function it seems. This one is younger, more soulful and considerably less lesbianyismish. Good for him. Or is it?

Bum bum BUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM*

*denotes dramatic theme tune, which I wrote myself on the toilet.

Inception Poster Thinks A Lot Of Leo's Name

Just in case you missed the rather large Leo DiCaprio in the foreground of the new Inception poster, the designer felt compelled (at someone's request surely) to make sure to max out the kerning on his name to successfully overshadow all of the other actors. I mean nevermind the fact that an Oscar winner for best actress is somewhere in that sea of names and that Michael Caine's left nut has more talent. Alas, I digress. I'm gonna go see that movie on opening night. Mostly because of Nolan, secondly because of all the awesome people that aren't DiCaprio.

/rant.

Kelis' "Acapella" Isn't.

So this has been out for a hot minute, but Aaron just found it and is truly fascinated by the way this woman changes her entire sound every album. Normally this isn't something I'd go for, but after listening to her off and on since 1999 when "Caught out there" came out, I can't resist sharing the difference here.

Plus, there's bright colors and that's fascinating to me and most 0-3 year olds. 

I don't really have much to say today, so I'm rambling. Forgive me and give me beef jerky (I miss you mechanically separated chicken).

Taste Betty White's Muffin

So not only did Betty White garner SNL it's highest ratings in forever, it was (from what I've seen) funny as all hell (because tortured souls equate to comedic gold. Enjoy this orgasmic trip back to the Delicious Dish with Ana Gasteyer and Molly Shannon (holy tit monkey I loved those back in the day).

Need: The Beets Tee

To all of you who didn't get me anything for my birthday (so all of you), I have a new love in life and although the guy is cute, it isn't him. It's his Killer Tofu Tour shirt. I need it. I would give my left pinky toe for it. Well, a mold of it. For...you know, a toe collector mold set...or something.

Oscar Pennyworth Truckington

There is nothing as awesome as a well-dressed and hirsute truck. Nothing. Go away if you think there is.

Touching: Child With Cancer Becomes Superhero

Seattle is doing it way better than us here in Atlanta. Erik Martin is a twelve year old living with cancer and the Make-A-Wish foundation there undertook the giant task of turning him into Electro-Boy. Hundreds of volunteers helped him save the day on a giant adventure taking place throughout Seattle. It's things like this that make me believe we aren't necessarily a doomed race.

You can read the entire, super-touching story here. I am NOT crying, I have allergies...to tacos, and I have Hispanic neighbors. Get off it.

Blog World: Sketchy Bunnies

It's like Sketchy Santas but sketchier, because these bunny demons didn't take attention from Christ's birth, they take it away from his death, which I hear is a big deal. Kill the Zombie Jesus distractors! Eviscerate the Proletariat!

Check out the full source of creepiness here.

Best of Banksy

Banksy is a British born graffiti artist who travels and does some rather ingenious work around cities. It makes me wish I could use spray paint. I tried to paint a chair once, I had a nice golden sheen about my legs. Check out the full(y awesome) collection of some great pieces here.

Mega Score: Scientists Make Woolly Mammoth Blood

It appears that awesome factories of awesomeness  scientists have created synthetic woolly mammoth blood. The scientists extracted DNA from 43,000 year old bones and then added it to E coil bacteria which replicated the substance and created blood that they say would be the exact same as a real live mammoth. They also imply that the science can be used for any extinct species as long as DNA is present.

In other words, Jurassic Park will be the destination of my 90th birthday. Except the cheese will kill me before then, it's outside giving me shifty eyes as we speak.

Check out the full story here.

Funny? Jessica And Hunter Make A Sex Tape

So, let's look on the bright side: I love lists!

1. Shirtless boy with muscles
2. The nippletini made me spaz out loud like a dog getting fixed
3. The rest is ok

Enjoy, or be like "ugh, I don't like this" and go about your day. The only thing hurting is the kittens Jesus assassinates when you don't appreciate my posts.

Gayest Hair On Tv

Out has compiled a list of the 9 gayest hairstyles on television today. Since all my tv seems to be coming from 1994 right now (aside from LOST), I may not be an expert on these, but I know who most of them are...I think. I also feel I need to buzz my hair now. Lest I start looking like Pauly D or the terrifying being two squares over from him. Check out the whole list here.

How Does This Make You Feel? Beyoncé

"Why Don't You Love Me" - Beyoncé from Beyoncé on Vimeo.

So the former Destiny's Child lady has a new video out that I kind of enjoy. The song, not as much, but the video pleases me in giddy 60's gay houseboy ways.

Thanks to Matt for the tippity do dah

The Drunken Moogle: Get Intoxicated the Nintendo Way

The Drunken Moogle is a kind of nifty website that teaches you exactly how Zombies, Mario and Samus get their drink on. I absolutely have to buy everything required to make the T-Virus shot seen above. Mmmmm....Twizzlers.

They even have some more relatively unknown gems such as Triptocane from Heavy Rain that you can make. It pleases me, like an army of small men tasked to massage your feet on cue. I don't...actually know if that would please me or make me pee out of fright. I can take my chances.

Check out the site here.

Roger Ebert: Why I Hate 3-D

I stumbled across this Newsweek article by Roger Ebert giving 9 reasons that he, and the rest of us, should hate the way that Hollywood is putting all their eggs in the 3-D basket. (OMG it looks like it's soo close!)

Check out the piece here, what are your thoughts? Have you done the 3-D thing and felt like it was worth the cost of two movies?

New(ish) Lioness Video!

Canada's newest best band ever has released a video for their second single "What You Do Will Come Back To You". It's somewhat less weird (believe it or not) than the clip for "You're My Heart" (if you haven't seen it, check the archives here or look back on youtube). The song is absolutely amazing and I want to be the singer's new best friend. She needs a gay southern boy in her entourage, it's only common sense.