Reason 34 To Move To Dubai

And that is that Capital Gate is halfway finished with construction. Once completed it will be the most leaning (and gorgeous) structure in the world. Ah, stupid rich people...with their money....and their cocaine.

Blog World: That's A Crazy Outfit

I suddenly don't feel so bad about my spiderman tshirt anymore. Score! Check out all the goodness here. Jesus will love you more for it, unless he's busy.

Funniest Thing Ever...

Watch, laugh laugh laugh and laugh

Best Salon Ever

Of course, you have to go to South Korea to get it, but really. Who doesn't want to be Fucking Lovely? I know I do. Seriously, I need tickets.

New Scarlett Johansson Song!

I found Scarlett's first album of Tom Waits covers...how do I put this...not good. She's teaming up with Pete Yorn for a sophomore album called Break Up. You can listen to the first single here It's much catchier than anything she previously did. Here's hoping that the album follows suit. Or she'll stop. One of the two.

Straight Men Doing Silly Things

The Herndon Monument Climb is something involving several dozen half naked straight guys climbing over one another to reach the top of the monument. Yes, they do feel it has a point. They're hurt that you would question it.

Hermione Grainger: The Flying Nun?

Emma Watson teamed up with fashion icon Karl Lagerfield for the French magazine Crush. Who doesn't enjoy Harry Potter characters with died white eyebrows? Jehovah's witnesses. That's who.

Germans Can Make Pretty Things That Don't Include People Ovens

Simon Schubert is a German artist who's work is done entirely with folding the paper at precise points to give a fantastic embossed effect. He is 33 and has exhibits all over his country. It's pretty awesome, but can he make a paper plane? Can you? Probably not.

'Pearl's Dream' Video

Bat For Lashes - "Pearl's Dream"


Because no one can dress like a World of Warcraft character with such flair. Break that interpretive dance down dear.

I Want To Work At Avery

They seem to have an awesome sense of humor. The official (legit) packaging for their address labels are addressed to Mr. Tyler Durden on Paper Street. Either they're the most laid back awesome company ever, or the boss has never read or watched a movie in the past decade or so. Either way, I'm there. Plus, they make some really snazzy address labels. ::waits by mailbox for endorsement check::

Product site here

Oh Unholy Hell. Buffy Relaunch? Why?

It looks like the most unholy of things is coming to pass in a nearby theater soon. (No, it's not yet another Fast and Furious movie). The Kuzui couple (executive producers for the Buffy movie, tv show and Angel series) is planning a "reboot" of Joss Whedon's cult favorite show. However, Joss Whedon won't be involved as it stands now.

Kuzui owns the rights to the character somehow and they are looking to make an "event sized" film that introduces a "new generation" to the slayer.

Prepare for the backlash Kuzui, some of those kids really get into the vampire thing. Like...with biting. We can only hope they (Kuzui, not vampire kids)die before this comes to pass.

When Sawyer And Jack Just Can't Cut It

This is (obviously) super old but I've never seen it til just now. Holy smoking turnips. I knew she had no career before Lost, she wasn't even worth a line on Smallville (just walking up to someone and making out with them). Perhaps this is where they got that idea. Fun stuff. Except for the fact that I kind of hate her character. Or her, I'm not sure.

How Does This Person Have A Job?

This monstrosity is the cover of Brooke Hogan's new "album" (a term, which here means auditory zombie assault on mankind). Seriously, why do I not have a graphic design job? I have shit better things than this. Honest, I can upload the pics if you wish. I feel the only thing it's missing is perhaps some baying wolves in the background and perhaps a day glo dolphin. That'd be hella sweet.

'Heads Will Roll' Video!

What is it with Miss O's seeming fascination with all things mid-80s Michael Jackson?

Skinny guy dancing oddly? Check. Light up floor? Check. Funny monster mask? Check.

The song is my absolute fave off the new record. Watch, enjoy, have some cake.

For All You 12 Year Old Girls, And Perhaps Me

Here's Mr. Pattison showing off his airbrushed? (probably yes) torso for the next Twilight movie "New Moon". Alas, I'll go to hell for finding him pretty.

Star Party!

Galactic Center of Milky Way Rises over Texas Star Party from William Castleman on Vimeo.

Here's what lonely people would call a "star party" where a bunch of old guys with telescopes go out into a field and don't talk to one another. The video shows the center of the Milky Way passing through the sky overnight. It's actually some kind of gorgeous. I wish I didn't have friends so I could have seen it.

Now We Know Why Toad's Around

Threadless is selling this awesome t-shirt showing where Mario gets all those fucking mushrooms he's constantly buzzing on. The man's a monster. A mushroom eating duck killing growing larger throwing fire monster. Someone stop him. We love him and he needs help. Check out/buy the tee here

My State Sucks.

The Montgomery County High school (located in the middle south of Georgia) was integrated in 1971. That, apparently, doesn't mean that it means anything to them, even now. They have two separate proms: one for the white students, one for the black. Look at those stupid Caucasian bastards, we can at least hope there was one accidental pregnancy amongst their ranks. Perhaps a syphilis outbreak or two. Read the story here.

If Every Movie Character Ever Had Jaundice

They would look like Legos. Fortunately for the skin of most celebrities, this person put together a list of movie posters with Legos instead of sickly pallored people. Check out the entire gallery here

World Religion And The Half Blood Prince

Ugh, I think you'll have to click it to actually be able to read it...stupid Blogger site. Anyway, I was perusing the interwebs when I stumbled upon this gem. I wrote some fan fic one time. It was passed on something about how Ron and Harry don't do THAT with their wands...

What Has Been Seen...

How. Fucking. Creepy. First of all, this kid has no idea how to not be obvious. (seeing as how I was the only gay in the village, my hand and I were well acquainted) Secondly, if my mother ever talked to me about masturbation feeling good, I'd chop it off.

True story.

"V" May Be Kind Of...Awesome

Firefly's Morena Baccarin and Lost's Elizabeth Mitchell will be starring this fall in the ABC reboot of "V". I never saw the original, but Morena was awesome on Firefly and it warms my toes to see her being in something. Elizabeth is always neato as well, although this doesn't seem to bode well for Juliet.

Angel Knee Pillow: For Those Who Can't Aim

Tenshi no Hizamakura, which translates to "Angels Knee Pillow", is a Japanese device designed to prevent toilet mishaps for men (ie peeing on the back of the toilet, your cat, the front door). It's seriously just two pads on platforms for guys to get on their knees.

Seriously, is this a big issue? Why don't we just teach Japanese men how to urinate? I need a job, I could give a boot camp.

Betty White, Being Crass Again

Sandra Bullock & Ryan Reynolds: Behind the Scenes of The Proposal from Betty White

Here's a clip of Betty White being a foul mouthed old bat again. Ryan Reynolds is in it, talking about oral sex in some form or fashion. I just kept rewinding to that bit and asked for some private time.

After The Devastation On Vulcan...

Captain Kirk couldn't find his goddamn shirt. It's really....too bad...or something like that.
Also, what space captain doesn't seem to run errands without a top? I mean, Admiral Ackbar does it all the time, I've asked him to stop.

Dollhouse Get's A Second Season! Jesus Loves Me!

Fox (Evil horrible funny smelling bastards in your day to day business) has given Joss Whedon's Dollhouse a 13 episode second season. This marks possibly the lowest rated series on a major broadcast network to receive a renewal. It was all because of the following:

Aaron: Hey Jesus, it'd be pretty sweet if you'd bring Dollhouse back later this year.

Jesus: That would be pretty sweet, no lies kiddo.

Aaron: Awesome, thanks man. Also, if you wouldn't mind...a couple
of extra inches...down there?

Jesus: Go watch Dollhouse. No one would ever see it anyway.

Aaron: Touche, Easter man. Thanks again.

LOST: Deciphering The Incident

I'm going to warn you beforehand. This is going to officially be my longest post. I wasn't going to continue my evaluations/sharing of internet wisdom any longer but dearest Emily told me I should do otherwise. So, let's get started

Hey, you like my homemade shirt?

The episode starts out with one of the most discussed yet never seen properties of Lost weaving a rug. Jacob then heads out and cooks himself some fish on a rock. We are lead to believe that the time period is somewhere in the 1800s. Could that be the Black Rock floating around out on the horizon? Hells yeah it could be.

We also finally get a good hard look at the statue in this brilliant opening scene. It appears (against everyone's predictions I might add) that it's definitely not Anubis but seems to be Sobek, a crocodile god. Before you go off and say WTF? crocodiles? Let's learn more: in mythology Sobek was linked to power, protection and fertility. That's right, he enables proper baby making.

Soon Jacob is joined by a mystery man. The internet has been abuzz calling him Esau (the Biblical Jacob's brother's name). I'm quite hesitant to believe that Lost would go so overtly Christian in their mythology, but we're going to use it for this review's sake.

Esau has a seat beside Jacob and begins the most important conversation in the history of Lost. In it, we find out that Jacob is the one that allows the island to be found by humans. He brings them there and Esau is terribly pissed about it. Esau says that they only bring destruction and carnage and that it always ends the same. Jacob tells him that it will only end once, everything leading to that is progress.

So, do you guys remember waay back in season one when Locke gives his speech about archaeologists finding backgammon sets in Mesopotamia and how it's the oldest game in the world? Well, it seems that our duo here fits the bill of the game quite handily. Jacob, dressed in white and Esau being the dark menacing figure struggling in an everlasting game.

Before leaving Jacob to finish his meal, Esau cooly asks if he realizes how much he wants to kill Jacob. He then warns that he will find a loophole and it will mean the end of the light.

It seems, from this, that their are rules to their interactions. Otherwise, what would be preventing Jacob from being filleted right there on that rock alongside his fish? It only seems like yesterday we were asking about the rules that Widmore and Ben lived by. That was a sandbox, now the big boys are playing.


Everyone Needs A Helping Hand

Throughout the episode we are shown key moments in our 815 and 316ers lives. In each, Jacob interacts with the passengers. What's the significance of this?

Our first visit is with Kate trying to shoplift the New Kids on the Block lunchbox that serves as the time capsule of hers and Tom's. (you know, back in season one...the toy plane that lead to her entire life of crime, well aside from blowing up her dad) She is caught and the cops are about to be called when Jacob steps in and pays for it. Kate promises never to steal again (lying bitch) and Jacob taps her on the nose.

Then we see young James Ford at his parent's funeral writing his iconic letter to one Mr. Sawyer. His pen runs out of ink and Jacob steps in and offers a replacement, giving his condolences to the child as well. When he hands over the pen, he lingers a bit and touches his hand.

Later, Jacob is sitting on a bench reading when Locke's body comes flying out of the building behind him. He cooly stands up and heads over to the battered Locke. He squeezes his shoulder and John awakes with a gasp. Jacob tells him he is very sorry that this had to happen to him and leaves.

We see Jack in yet another tie to the first season as he rips the dural sack of the 16 year old patient. He never mentioned in his retelling to Kate that it was good old Christian that gave him the idea to count to five and let the fear in. Jack fails at getting a candy bar and confronts his dad over putting him in a "time out". Afterwards Jacob shows up offering the candy bar and tells him the machine just "needed a push" while his finger lingers on Jacks.

Apparently Sun had two different wedding dresses? We see another flashback to their wedding and this time Jacob is a guest offering his congratulations in perfect Korean while patting them on the shoulders.

That's the entire list of the people we see him interacting with before the original fateful flight of Oceanic 815. Now, does this mean that they were the only ones who were intended to be there? We're not sure.

Moving forward, after the Oceanic 6 return to the real world Jacob comes to Sayid and Nadia as a lost tourist in Los Angeles. He asks Sayid for directions while Nadia proceeds to be plowed down by a hit and run SUV.

We also see him visit Ilana in a hospital and they both apparently speak Russian as well. Ilana is in terrible shape, her face completely bandaged. They seem to know one another and Jacob tells her that he needs her help. She is the only one that he doesn't touch.

The most interesting interaction was definitely that with Hurley. In this encounter, Jacob has no pretense and tells Hurley that he was waiting on him and that he certainly knows about the island. He asks what if Hurley isn't cursed, perhaps he is blessed. He also reassures him that he is absolutely not crazy. He tells him about the Ajira flight and that he can go back, but it's up to him.

So, what good did this do? We see that Jacob has interacted with each one of our passengers that are still alive and he seemingly hand picked (pun intended) them to be on either one of the planes. He also seems quite keen on free will as well.

Way Back Through Time And Through Space

The incident felt just like season two all over again right? Flying metallic objects, weird noises, white flashes of light. Ah, good times. A lot happened that I wasn't a fan of here so I'm going to hit on the highlights.

We finally get to see Rose and Bernard! They didn't die during any of the time jumping, in fact they went off and set up their on sweet little resort. Rose had one of the best lines of the night with "there's always something with you people". I want to be like them, happy and care free.
Was it just me, or was there something ominous about Bernard's offer of tea to Juliet?

In short, Jack has taken up Daniel's "reset everything" quest. One important thing that happens is that Richard tells him that Locke visited and told him that he would be their leader later. Richard says that during his visits to the mainland during Locke's childhood that he didn't seem very special at all. Sayid and Jack take the core of the bomb and traipse off to Dharmaville, only for Sayid to be shot in the gut and Hurley to come to the rescue in the Dharma van again. Juliet goes all broken heart badass and they get off the sub and are now planning on stopping/helping them. Whatever they choose in that five second interval.

How delightfully irritating was the return of that goddamned love quadrangle? Juliet loves Sawyer, Sawyer loves Kate, Kate loves Jack, Jack loves Kate. NO ONE CARES. There, I hope they all die instead of ending up with one another.

We see how Chang loses his hand. That, to me, presents several odd ideas. Since he still lost his hand, there are still things that happened before that are still happening. So, does Jack believe that this bomb will only affect their future? It confuses me and my brain hurts.

They toss the bomb in, it doesn't explode. Things start going all "I was wrong for not pushing the button" again and Juliet is sucked down into the ground by chains wrapped around her.

She, however, doesn't take a literal dirt nap. She awakens, badly injured and beats the shit out of the bomb with a rock until she altered the end credits with them being white and not black. Good going Juliet.


What DOES Lie In The Shadow Of The Statue?


Here's where the good story advancement happened. Where to start? How about Ilana, Bram and co? We see them arriving on one of the northern shores, crate and Lapidus in tow. Bram asks why they brought the furry pilot and suggests that he could be a candidate. Hmm...I wonder what for?

They end up visiting Horace's old haunt the cabin. It looks as though it's been through some rough times, even the kick ass dog painting is on the floor. Before they get there though, the notice that the circle of ash has been broken. I shall get into my theory about this later. Once inside, Ilana says that Jacob hasn't been there in a very long time. She also points out that someone else has been using it. They decide to end that by torching the whole thing.

With Locke's trek we see him tell Ben that he wants him to do the actual Jacob murdering bit. When asked why, Locke asks him why wouldn't he want Jacob dead. He mentions having to sacrifice his daughter and then being banished from the island, all in the name of a being he never met.

Richard grows even more hesistant as their journey continues. He genuinely seems worried about Locke's new plan about talking with him. He also is baffled by Locke coming back from the dead, an argument that Locke counters with asking him why he doesn't age. We find out he's that way because of Jacob.

Richard shows the way inside the statue to John and he and Ben start to enter. Richard tells him that only he alone can enter and is shot down once again and both walk into the base of the statue.

It's now that our two Ajira crews reassemble. Ilana asks for Richard and then goes on with her favorite bit of trivia "what lies in the shadow of the statue". We finally find out, in Latin no less, that it's "He who will protect/save us all". She seems satisfied by this answer and they open the crate to reveal Locke's dead body.

Woah.

We then go back into the statue and Ben finally meets Jacob. The J man definitely seems to know what's going on and says "I guess you found your loophole". Ben then starts asking questions about why he never was allowed to see Jacob, why he did what he did and what about him. Jacob responds with a scrutinizing "What about you?". Ben then proceeds to stab him repeatedly in the chest. In his dying breath, Jacob informs them that "they're coming". Locke then kicks his body into the fire.


Who Is That Mysterious Man?

We're about to get theoretical on your ass now. It seems that Locke has been dead all along. As we found out earlier in the season "dead is dead". I've read theories about clones, a Locke double. I don't buy it. I think it's as simple as this. Esau = Smokey.

We've seen him take on the forms of dead people plenty before. Yemi and Alex, as prime examples. So why couldn't he become the beloved John Locke, the leader of the others, to regain and audience with Jacob?

I've been reading for seasons now that Smokey's prerogative doesn't seem quite the same as Jacob's. It also helps explain why the monster keeps attacking. He hates people. He absolutely doesn't want them there. He feels they are vile and full of destruction. When Eko refused to repent, he ended his life.

It seems perfectly logical for Ben to be interacting with Smokey, since Jacob is nowhere to be seen. He heads over to Esau for a "judgment" (alone, while "Locke" is in another part of the temple no less) and what should the monster tell him? It says he must obey everything that Locke tells him.

This lends a new, even creepier vibe to the Christian Shepherd that's been waltzing about the island living in Jacob's cabin. He was quite honest though, when Locke asked him back in Season 4 if he was Jacob he tells him "No, but I can speak on his behalf". It's also quite scary to contemplate what that means is happening to Claire if she's in the possession of Esau.

This also means that Richard has been duped into buying into betraying Jacob by following E-Lockes' instructions to tell the old Locke that he must die in order to "save them". Esau needed Locke to be gone so he could become John to go take care of Jacob.

This episode has reduced the once fear-inducing mastermind of the others to nothing more than a pawn in the great game of the island. This, sadly, also seems to imply that Locke was indeed never special in his life. He was used, up until his last breath, and afterwards for that matter by a force of evil.

So What Happens Now?

That's one helluva questions ladies and gentlemen. You know that my feelings about this season were rather skeptical. In my opinion, it's still the weakest, but with some of the strongest most important information we've ever received. It's been a rough ride, but The Incident was a welcomed reward for sticking with it through the season.

Is the old, beloved Locke gone forever? That's what the implications are. I certainly don't hope so though.

Will the 1977 crew get back to their own time?

Will 815's path be reset and the crash never happen?

What exactly was so "special" about Desmond, seeing as how he hasn't been a major player in this season since the 3rd episode?

We shall find out, in approximately 8 months. It's going to be one wait.

What do you guys think?

Yeah, I'd Like 'Em Scattered, Cove--Holy Shit She Shot Me!

Crystal Samuels was shot at by her waitress at Waffle House, one Yakeisha Ward, after throwing a waffle at her for poor customer service. The key quote of all this? Ms. Samuels says

"I thought I was gonna get me an All-Star,"

I thought I was gonna get me an All-Star indeed.

Dude, I'm not going to lie, if I worked at Waffle House (which would mean I'd have to get a job) and someone lubbed a waffle at my head, I'd probably shoot them too. Check out the story here

Can A Jonas Brother Be Sexy If You've Finished Puberty?

This suggests...possibly. Ugh, he's so pretty though. Not that good "oh wow he's gorgeous" kind, but the "look at this dress!" pretty. But with chest hair. Pick up the latest issue of InStyle to see more...if you want. If you don't, you're probably right.

Blog World: Cute Things Falling Asleep

Check out Cute Things Falling Asleep for the most comprehensive list of, well, cute things falling asleep. I know what you're thinking though: "But Aaron, you're not on here. This site has lost all redeeming qualities". I'm here to inform you that I don't sleep. Therefore, I could not be on this blog. Just to quell your fears. Check it out here

Most Awesome Financial Commercial Ever Because Lincoln Gets It On

How many financial institutions can say that Lincoln gets head in their commercials? Just one. Bontrust put out this brilliant, possibly NSFW (if you know people who get hot and bothered about origami) commercial on how to make your money multiply.

Mega Shark Vs Giant Octopus: Obviously The Best Movie Ever

Movie Trailers - Movies Blog

Words can not describe how excited I am about this. Only my 80s loving boner can. Oh Lorenzo, oh Deborah.

AarontheBond: So Twitterific

I have given in! You should follow my twitter over on the sidebar so you too can get up to the minute updates about how nachos gave me diarrhea and what toenail polish I picked out for the roomie. Huzzah! Seriously, go follow me.

Blog World: Awkward Family Photos

Another sad, awesome blog today comes to us in the form of Awkward Family Photos. The next time you feel shamed by your parents always remember. You could be grasping on to your dad's over sized felt dong. Things could be worse, or better. Depending on how sick you are. Check em out here

Neat! Earth Album

Earth Album is yet another abundant waste of time provided by me Jesus Aaron. You can click on any part of the world and see the top Flickr photos from that area. Kazakhstan and the state of Georgia look eerily similar. Check all of them out here

Blog World: Look At This Fucking Hipster

Go check out Look At This Fucking Hipster to remind yourself that cool people are mostly retarded. And by mostly I mean absolutely and without exception. Except for me. Check it here.

Thanks to Jared for the tip!

Addictive Alert: Sketch Swap

Sketch Swap is a site where you and the rest of the world can swap rudimentary sketches of penises in various stages of arousal and in odd situations. Or....if you can think of drawing something else, I suppose that works too...I guess. Check it out here

How Unneccessary/Pretty! Internet Clock With EVIL Font

If for some reason you have no clocks in your house, your watch is broken, your phone was eaten by a donkey and your desktop clock says you're in Argentina you can always stylishly check out the time here.

In a sidenote. CURSE YOU PAPYRUS!!!

New La Roux Video!

La Roux is out with a brand new single "Bulletproof". Lots of 80s retarded goodness. Yay stuff!

MIT Goes WoW, With A Built-In Toilet

Gamers from the nifty MIT decided to build a Gaming Hut that gives a person everything they could possibly need to continuously play World of Warcraft for three days. Yes, my friends, that includes a toilet.

There are, as you can see from the schematic below the pic, "food packs" and a cooker for them, a toilet built into your chair. Ah, the circle of life....or poo. Check out everything here

'Actor Out Of Work' Official Video

It came out last month. I'm slow, like molasses. Molasses stuck in rush hour....on the day before Thanksgiving.

The video is brilliant. Much like molasses

This Could Possibly Be Good? Maybe?

I never watched Curb Your Enthusiasm, but that's that guy right? Right? Right? It looks moderately/eh kinda funny. Ed Begley Jr and Evan Rachel Wood are in it, so it can't be that bad right? RIGHT? Validate me!

Today In Eww Vagina News

The Cuchini, yes, that's what the thing is called. Is a piece of plastic that fits inside your swim suit or other undergarmenty things and prevents camel toe. Goddamn camels with their toes. Check the official site here.

Um....Ouch

Pierced. Glasses. Ouch. I can't think right now.

Late To The Tinted Windows Party

but here is the video for what was their first single off their new album. I picked it up yesterday, it's actually rather catchy beginning to end. Check it out, or Taylor will be forced to impregnate his wife yet again. That poor woman's vagina.

Ze Cardboard Box, It Must Die!

This guy :: pauses, shakes head a little :: made his very own operable Wolverine claws. Which, on it's own is rather neat. However, he decided to make a video displaying his awesome abilities on a cardboard box. Just watch. Everytime I get down on myself I'm going to rewatch this. Then, I will feel less handy in the ways of cardboard shredding and down. I need a drink.

X Ray, X Ray, Not Gay, It's X Ray

Hey boys and girls, have you ever wondered what your favorite old school gaming console looked like with x ray vision? Of course you haven't have, that's why flickr user Reintji x rayed everything from PS3s to regular Nintendos. Check out his gallery here