Maybe I DON'T Want To Visit Japan

 

Oddity Central has posted some pictures of a rather bizarre event that takes place in Japan. (weird right? odd things don't happen in Japan) So two fat Japanese people get in a ring lined with fluorescent lights then said fat people start being the proverbial shit out of each other with said lights. Sounds fun? These crazies in the front row seem to think so. And Jesus, he approves. 

A Moment Of Reverence For This: My Hero

I defy you to name ONE  thing in the photograph that is not made from 100% pure awesome. You can't can you? That's because everything in here 100% pure awesome. From concentrate.

Just To Cheer You Up

I look just like this on Wednesdays at 3pm. No joke. Ok, joke.

A New Item Pouch Oooo!

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Zelda is a prostitute. The Ocarina of Time never existed. If Nintendo weren't so embroiled in this vast conspiracy to veil the Princesses misbehavior we would have a properly titled videogame, such as The Legend of Zelda Cavernous Vagina of Herpetic Doom.

Yeah, Herpetic is now a word and Aaron Bond made it up. Your move Webster.

What're You Gonna Do Batboy, Style My Hair?

Game Trailers - E3 2010 - Comedy

Ah, good ol' Attack of the Show. One of the one reasons I miss having cable. Peter Facinelli (Carlisle Cullen himself) is an awesomely understanding doctor. I'm an awesomely understanding underground lawyer of the damned. So ha.

So...These People Can Vote

I believe she can bring real change to the country with her...refreshingness and her, um, her realness and I really believe that Mayor McCheese is going to be the best vice president since Quayle.

Does this not terrify you?

There's Even More Gaga Than Once Thought

Lady Gaga and Lord Gaga:  Leaked Single - Key of Awesome #6
Uploaded by barelydigital. - Full seasons and entire episodes online.

In all actuality I'm Prince Gaga. They just keep me away because it's common knowledge Lady hates the gays. It's true. I read it on a postcard.

Neat: Record Cover Placed Art

Who knew Jim Morrison wore such cute little panties? Adorable.

Check out more of them here.

So Not Fair

and by "so not fair" I mean: "why don't I look like this, while I eat potato chips and have < 0 physical activity in my life." It just doesn't make sense right? 

On A Scale Of 1 To 10...

I'm apparently exactly a 7.81. So I think that's like hot enough to do porn but with the moral conundrums of guilt and lovehandles to not go through with it.

Anaface supposedly looks at the geometry of your face and tells you how pretty you are based on it. Good times. Now women don't have to worry just about makeup but the fact that their left earlobe is .45 cm shy of being symmetrical. Go and give yourself a complex here.

PS. Sorry about my mugshot.

She's Back: America's Best Christian

"I don't have furniture that's that new." but no seriously, I worked with a Mormon she carried bits of human heart around. True story, or it was a salad.

Johnny Depp Named Sexiest Man Alive: General Bleh Ensues

I may be the odd man out, but I don't particularly find him that attractive. He kind of looks like he could be Clay Aiken's mom if she forgot to pluck. 

Hugh Jackman Looks Good In Pants

That's really all there is to this. So...

I Kid You Not: Fresh Balls

Apparently, sweaty balls is a crisis that men have dealt with for generations. Well no more! Thanks to Fresh Balls (I want to find the marketing genius for that one) you can put lotion? on your balls to keep them dry? seems paradoxical to me, but whatever. I mean sure they get sweaty, but so do my knee pits. Do I need to put stuff down there too?

Check out the official site here.

Fascinating and Such: Fan Death's "Reunited"

They're possibly women, they're possibly British. They're definitely interesting. Give it a listen or four.

There's an Axl Rose look-a-like (but cute), how can you refuse? You can't

Dog Goes Freaking Nuts For Returning Soldier

I mean, he has to be covered in pee droplets right? This is kind of insane. In other news, Jared is almost exactly like this when I get home. Including the pee.

Aaron's Work: A Progress Report

So if you know me at all, you've been hearing non-stop about the project that is slowly but surely working on my early grave. My text message translation guide is well under way and it's hurting. Every day it causes me pain. On week seven (today) here is a tid bit of where I'm at.

I throw myself to the wolves once more tomorrow, wish me luck! There are several more spreads, just not full of yummy goodness.

Hero: 10 Year Old With More Sense Than Most of America

>So, I always hated the entire forced pledge thing. It felt like we were being brainwashed...to be patriotic zombies. In space. Watch it and remember that this kid has more balls than 90% of us. 

So the damn thing insists on having two of itself. Fine CNN, go for the overkill.

Low-Resolution Girl Rocks

I'm actually really confused if you need me to say anything aside from that. Just to ensure that I meet my daily word typing quotas I present the following.

She is made of pixels. It's like watching a recorded britney spears video from the tv on the internet on a dial up connection on an Apple II monitor. In space.
In 1378.

Need: Jawa Lawn Ornament

I don't have a lawn, but I do have a dream. It involves a small family of these living along side black people like they aren't secretly afraid. That and a truly everlasting gobstopper. 

Dollhouse: RIP

Well, that's all dearies. Joss Whedon's best (yes, I know, let the Buffy folks complain) show has officially been canceled by Fox during its second season. Fox announced the news yesterday. The show is currently producing its 11th episode. Fox plans on running the remaining episodes back to back throughout December, giving it a full two season run. After the announcement Whedon said:

"Hmm. Apparently my news is not news.
I don’t have a lot to say. I’m extremely proud of the people I’ve worked with: my star, my staff, my cast, my crew. I feel the show is getting better pretty much every week, and I think you’ll agree in the coming months. I’m grateful that we got to put it on, and then come back and put it on again.
I’m off to pursue internet ventures/binge drinking. Possibly that relaxation thing I’ve read so much about. By the time the last episode airs, you’ll know what my next project is. But for now there’s a lot of work still to be done, and disappointment to bear.
Thank you all for your support, your patience, your excellent adverts. See you again. -j.”

 The show's 'star' Dushku also took to her twitter to post the following:

"Hear it here. Hey, that's really why I started twitter, the rumors/news IS true: Dollhouse will not cont. past these 13 eps :("

 I mean the news was obviously impending, but it's a sad day here in Aaron town. I shall watch them all fondly and think of what could have been. For those of you who haven't watched it, shame on you you monkey sniffers.

PS. Fox is now the devil. No dollhouse and an entire news network of bloated republicans. Kudos.

Mr. Bucket Was A Dirty Old Man

So let's get this straight. Nowhere in development, creative meetings, writing or recording this tune did anyone at this company think that a middle-aged sounding bucket singing "your balls pop out of my mouth" was in anyway an inappropriate sentiment?

In other news, as a child I REALLY wanted a Mr. Bucket. (unrelated of course)

Kick Ass Flute Rock Band Playing (I Didn't Feel Like Going Back and Making This A Real Sentence)

It's a video kind of day. Consider yourselves warned. Having said that, I wish I could play the flute. It sounds much nicer than my bellowing insistently at the controller thinking to myself "I AM every woman, it IS all in me"

I Can't Resist: "Bad Romance" Video

I still stand by my statement that anyone that weird may deserve to be so famous. Having said that, she looks eerily normal for part of it. Gaga has went the way of Britney, let the baby spewing head shaving commence.

Seriously. and go.

Blog World: People of Public Transit

You do not ask the dismemberment lady what she's doing. She asks you. Then collects your legs of course. So, from what I'm told this is People of Walmart's sister site, proving that crazy ass people are all around you, not just shopping for bargain basement prices.

Check it out here.

What In the Gay Hell? New Aqua Video

So, these are the people who did "Barbie Girl". To me that's kind of like telling a kid that Darth Vader was a backup singer for Lady Gaga before he hit the bigtime.

Tegan and Sara Wear Nautical Clothes, Like Cutouts

The new album is amazing, by the way. Much like replacing the head of a kitten in an oversized black and white print with your own.

Top Ten Toys To Make You Gay

Liquid Generation has compiled this list of the 10 gayest toys ever. Surprisingly enough, I didn't have a single one of these. However, I did sneak time with my cousin's pogo ball. The TOY, perv.

Thanks to Cisco for the tip, who knows all about the homosexuality.

Your Door Definitely Just Felt Me Up

Amsterdamn designer Naomi Thellier de Poncheville decided that doors aren't friendly/creepy enough for her taste and decided that we need more android affection when we're leaving or coming into a room. The perfect answer? A metal hand. Let the door humping commence. 

This Is So Old, But Make Your Sex More Pork Scented

This just gives "squeal like a pig" a whole new meaning. However, that marketing writes itself.

Gives J&D a call.
Yes, that's right, Burt Reynolds has endorsed it.

Thanks to Cisco for insisting upon this, because this is everyday activity in Texas.

The Beatles Go Digital, Again

All of the fab fours newly remastered albums (that's 14 for you folks who worship Satan) are coming to the world of USB. On December 8th the Beatles collection will be on a $289  jump drive. I mean, it's shaped like an apple, and that's neat and all but almost $300? You're paying $20 per album and then a giant chunk more for a plastic apple.  I prefer red delicious anyway. 

It's An Animal Kind of Day: Bears Sans Fur Mystifies Folks

Zookeepers and scientists in Leipzig, Germany are baffled because Dolores (seen here in her sad state) has lost all of her bear fur. (no not the hairy gay guys, the real life bears, you know roarrr and all that jazz). It's not just her but the entire female population here seems to be going hairless. Somewhere in one of these caves is an ungodly huge stash of Nair. I blame Cosmo.

Read more here. Pray for the bear hair folks. 

Bugs. Really Close Up Bugs

Photographer Igor Siwanowicz has taken a veritable crap load of really high res super close up photos of the creepy crawly things that weren't featured in Paranormal Activity. Check out the gallery here.

Repeat After Me Bitch! I Come in the Name of Jesus!

This is the true meaning of Christmas.

Evil Hat of Smiling Doom!

happiness hat from Lauren McCarthy on Vimeo.

So, in short, if one wore this for more than a day you'd have a permanent Jack Napier after the acid vat look about you.

10 points to people who actually know who Jack Napier is.

Most Awesome Wedding Cake Ever:

This cake exemplifies everything that is good and holy in this world. It's true, because as the Bible says in Buzz Lightyear 4:19:

A couple that slays zombies together stays together, with proper tithing and her being willing to take it up the bum every now and then.

Amen.

Liberache Has Met His Equal: Adam Lambert

Ok, so there is gay and then there is this sugary neon too pink far too 80s tranny glam not terribly functional glove makeup extravaganza of ponies and rainbows.

Your move, Elton John

New Peaches Video: I Feel Cream

So she's decidedly less terrifying than in the "Lose You" video. Go have gay sex to this song. It's like viagra to the Lady Gaga circuit I hear.

Ah, A Return, With Kelly Clarkson

So, sorry I haven't been on for a hot minute. School has been kicking my ass (literally, I have bruises). So tonight will mark at least a temporary return to form with me putting up various pictures/videos with one or two quips intended to make me look remotely interesting.

Case in point: Kelly Clarkson dressed as Stewie. I don't really have anything to say except for a written pondering on why there's the slit above the face hole.

And Cisco, I did get your emails and I will scope out what you sent me :P