One Hour of Boredom Equals Nazi Strippers...from Mars.

I really should find stuff to do.

Be kind, it needs a lot of tweaking, but it pleased me. Nay, it tickled my innards.

Dumbest Quotes of the Decade

The Huffington Post has collected several of the worst (and best) of our collective stupidity as a culture. They were quite merciful to Bush, seeing as how he still cries in his sleep. It's ok Bushy wushy, eat your pineapple.

Actually, pineapple is a sin. It's the gay of fruits. It makes fruits even gayer.

Check out the whole list here.

Westboro Finds Something Else God Hates

Fred Phelps and his satanic cult of a family over at Westboro Baptist have found yet another thing that God doesn't care for. Of course it's mostly related to the gays, but it's slightly different, in that it has a vagina.

In other news, their signs are getting better. Good for them. And the evil Christian of doom looks fierce.

Sorry for being rather late on delivering this news, you know me. lazy.

Member of Parliament Calls Gays An "Abomination", Goes Crazy

Sixty year old Iris Robinson, an MP from Northern Ireland has announced she's stepping down from her political position due to "mental illness". Last year, she caused quite a stir by calling all gays an "abomination". This year, she shall start drooling in her oatmeal.

In the same interview as the abomination remark, she called homosexuality a mental illness and stated that it can be "cured"...oh wait! She just loves the muff!

Blog World: Pale Is The New Tan

So there is a genius who decided to gather all of the orange people of the world and put them on display, so us, the pasties can bask in their radioactive glory. And upon gazing at the angelic face before, I know that I am an inferior being until I put on some plastic underwear and let someone at me with a paint gun. Thank you Guido Jesus.

Check out the site here.

I Would Just Feel Irresponsible Not Posting This

Yeah.

No, you missed the point, scroll back up.

Yeah.

So this is Adam Coussins, apparently. I shall call him Hotness McHottiepants of Hottville. (or Hotness McHottiepants of Hottville for short)

So there are more here. This is NSFW unless your boss likes you looking at insanely sexy man booty.

Waste A Lot of Your Life Learning Why The Phantom Menace Sucked

So here is part one of SEVEN quite long videos in which a mentally challenged, er, monotone man explains why The Phantom Menace was terrible. It's rather funny if you are slightly to moderately (completely) dorky.

Sorry for my nerdfest as far as posts go, my inner Youngling is angry at me.

HP Are Racist Nazis (Well Maybe Not Nazis, But Close)

My eyes always follow black people. They may steal things. No no, just kidding. ::wink wink:: No seriously, I trust all black people. Except the shifty ones. I mean.....I do work for HP.

Editor's note: AarontheBond does not condone racism of any kind. He uses a Mac.

Lord of the Rings Facebook Status Updates

So college humor has a few LOTR facebook statuses up. Rather amusing, unless you like ham. Then they're now 3/4ths as amusing. True.

Check them out here.

and for some reason there are more....here. although that's not the source. Frakked up indeed messers.

Alia Shawkat Replicates The Most Important Moment In Movie History

Teen Witch is still, hands down, the best motion picture of the 20th century. Or of 198----whatever it was. Or of that week. I definitely think Teen Witch is the best movie of that week.

New Sia Video: You've Changed

I love her. I also love videogames and awkward looking people. This is a win/win/win situation. No doubt about it friends.

America Has Poor Taste Volume 4

The bad news? James Cameron's latest "technological breakthrough" that happens to be  around two hours too long for its own good is the number one movie in America.

The good news? It only  made $73 million. That's less money than Kate Winslet's garters from Titanic.

In other news altogether, I'm declaring a war on Papyrus and any font that looks remotely like it. Allah will destroy you all.

UPDATE: So it has a $232 million worldwide gross, the biggest global opening for a non-sequel in the history of cinema.

Well shit.

Jesus's Best Friend Jorge's House Found

Archeologists have discovered the remnants of a house they believe to be dated back to the time of Christ. Supposedly, they have gained great insight to the lives of the citizens then. From the find, it seems that everything was covered in dirt. and they had very small walls. We can only deduce from this that Christ was a pygmy. True story. Unless your definition of true involves fact, in which case I say, you don't know the definition of true.
Check out the CNN article here, involving some unnecessary back story in to Christianity.

Tim Burton Decided Not To Read Alice In Wonderland

Alice in Wonderland Trailer #2 in HD

Trailer Park | MySpace Video

And we get this. Pretty? Yes. Alice in Wonderland? Eh, in the same way Zoolander was based on A Tale of Two Cities.

Sacrelege. Crappy "Death At A Funeral" Remake

I refuse to make this my normal size as a form of protest. I could have just not blogged about it and kept it from coming to your attention at all, but you are French.

So do you remember WAYYYY back in 2007, when Frank Oz (Freaking Yoda for Chrissake) made a super funny British comedy called "Death at a Funeral"? Oh, you don't?

Do you remember when Chris Rock, Martin Lawrence or Tracey Morgan was funny?
Oh, you don't?

I rest my case.

This Is My Life, In Pastels

Read carefully, at least 50% of this is stuff I care about, and by care about I mean if you insult it you will end up dead. Not by my hand, but dead none the less.

I guarantee in 89 years, you'll be dead. It'll be because you questioned this awesomeness on Dec. ___ 2009. Fill in the blank and send by direct mail for a more personalized death guarantee. 

Invisible Shoes Are Invisible-ish (Kind Of)

São Paulo stationed shoe designer Andreia Chaves has introduced her? (it could be a man, I don't really know...or a hot tranny mess, let's go with that one) anyway, their (oooh there we go) new "invisible" shoe for the 2010 collection. It's rather invisible, unless of course you see them, which you will.

Side note to our women readers: Wear panties with mirrored shoes. I had a very embarrassing Wednesday night one time.

Jake Gyllenhaal Is Quite Fit

That's really it. Merry Christmas.

Give Tru Blood This Year

HBO's site is offering bottles of Tru Blood for sale. Aaron wants. I want to be like Bill Compton, sans the terrible makeup, and that accent.

The human version is less the blood, more of the orange flavor. They need to make a Jason Stackhouse flavor. That would sell. To me.

Mass Effect 2 Has One Of The Best Voice Casts Ever

It's made of sex. and voices. Mostly sex though.

in other news, the fucking video isn't working. Just know that cool people are in it. 

It's Claire!

ABC has released the first LOST Season 6 promo pics. Call me crazy, but it seems that on their final season they would go for more than an "upset kid at a school photo session" look. I just keep imagining LifeTouch down in the bottom right of these photos. Check out the rest here.

Fatality! Celebrity Kung Fu

Atom has posted this, the mother of all fighting games involving Octomom. Pick your fighter, pick your douchebag opponent, and fail as the terrible control scheme sends you to a certain death at the hands of Glen Beck.

Check it out here.

Time's 10 Best Magazine Covers of 2009

Time Magazine, famous for such things as saying Time on the cover, has published their list of the Top Ten _______ of the year. I focused on the magazine covers, because it was the only one I saw with a blow-up doll involved. I don't quite get blow up dolls, it seems like it would be doing soup...there's nothing really to it. I digress.

Check out their full list here, although it rather ridiculously starts with number one. They don't understand countdowns at Time. just time.

Blog World: Sketchy Santas

I'm just as confused as you are as to why this child isn't recoiling in a terror that would chill a grown man. In fact she seems quite happy. I believe, after thorough research of course, that she is a lizard alien and she is in need of the Earth's water supply.

However, that important fact is not the point of this post. What is the point, is that there is an entire website full of scary-ass Santas from around the world. Go rejoice in this, the creepiest of seasons. Click here, no here.

...Even If It's Bold-Italic

Ok, something is seriously wrong when leading jokes make you laugh. Of if you know what leading is. Note to self: finish puberty so you can be a graphic design geek with a beard. Other note to self: find out what puberty is.

Thanks to Cisco for delivering the funny in email form.

Harry Potter Sneak Peak

Dh Preview One - Watch more funny videos here

Here's a clip of behind the scenes...stuff and a teaser trailer for the seventh Potter film. It looks somewhat interesting in that "Harry Potter does sex and the city with a goblin or two" kind of way. Let's just hope it's better than HBP was. /complaint.

43rd Best Idea of All Time

Designer Damjan Stanković has created a traffic light that counts down just how long your never ending frustration has until it...ends. There is not a single good reason this isn't everywhere already. Except for of course that we live in a country where more than 25% believe Sarah Palin is qualified to be president. I wish the aliens would come already. 

We Are Officially in Music Hell: Grammys '10

The Black Eyed Peas (yes, the group in the photo above)have been nominated for both Record of the Year and Album of the Year. These things are getting even less prestigious than Nobels apparently. For a full list of the travesties, er...nominations, click here.

Worst Album Covers of the Year

So I found this on livejournal user princess_peapod's page. It's a rather through but obviously incomplete collection of the year's worst graphic design in the album cover world. Check out the full list of all the sad times here. 

Maybe I DON'T Want To Visit Japan

 

Oddity Central has posted some pictures of a rather bizarre event that takes place in Japan. (weird right? odd things don't happen in Japan) So two fat Japanese people get in a ring lined with fluorescent lights then said fat people start being the proverbial shit out of each other with said lights. Sounds fun? These crazies in the front row seem to think so. And Jesus, he approves. 

A Moment Of Reverence For This: My Hero

I defy you to name ONE  thing in the photograph that is not made from 100% pure awesome. You can't can you? That's because everything in here 100% pure awesome. From concentrate.

Just To Cheer You Up

I look just like this on Wednesdays at 3pm. No joke. Ok, joke.

A New Item Pouch Oooo!

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Zelda is a prostitute. The Ocarina of Time never existed. If Nintendo weren't so embroiled in this vast conspiracy to veil the Princesses misbehavior we would have a properly titled videogame, such as The Legend of Zelda Cavernous Vagina of Herpetic Doom.

Yeah, Herpetic is now a word and Aaron Bond made it up. Your move Webster.

What're You Gonna Do Batboy, Style My Hair?

Game Trailers - E3 2010 - Comedy

Ah, good ol' Attack of the Show. One of the one reasons I miss having cable. Peter Facinelli (Carlisle Cullen himself) is an awesomely understanding doctor. I'm an awesomely understanding underground lawyer of the damned. So ha.

So...These People Can Vote

I believe she can bring real change to the country with her...refreshingness and her, um, her realness and I really believe that Mayor McCheese is going to be the best vice president since Quayle.

Does this not terrify you?

There's Even More Gaga Than Once Thought

Lady Gaga and Lord Gaga:  Leaked Single - Key of Awesome #6
Uploaded by barelydigital. - Full seasons and entire episodes online.

In all actuality I'm Prince Gaga. They just keep me away because it's common knowledge Lady hates the gays. It's true. I read it on a postcard.

Neat: Record Cover Placed Art

Who knew Jim Morrison wore such cute little panties? Adorable.

Check out more of them here.

So Not Fair

and by "so not fair" I mean: "why don't I look like this, while I eat potato chips and have < 0 physical activity in my life." It just doesn't make sense right? 

On A Scale Of 1 To 10...

I'm apparently exactly a 7.81. So I think that's like hot enough to do porn but with the moral conundrums of guilt and lovehandles to not go through with it.

Anaface supposedly looks at the geometry of your face and tells you how pretty you are based on it. Good times. Now women don't have to worry just about makeup but the fact that their left earlobe is .45 cm shy of being symmetrical. Go and give yourself a complex here.

PS. Sorry about my mugshot.

She's Back: America's Best Christian

"I don't have furniture that's that new." but no seriously, I worked with a Mormon she carried bits of human heart around. True story, or it was a salad.

Johnny Depp Named Sexiest Man Alive: General Bleh Ensues

I may be the odd man out, but I don't particularly find him that attractive. He kind of looks like he could be Clay Aiken's mom if she forgot to pluck. 

Hugh Jackman Looks Good In Pants

That's really all there is to this. So...

I Kid You Not: Fresh Balls

Apparently, sweaty balls is a crisis that men have dealt with for generations. Well no more! Thanks to Fresh Balls (I want to find the marketing genius for that one) you can put lotion? on your balls to keep them dry? seems paradoxical to me, but whatever. I mean sure they get sweaty, but so do my knee pits. Do I need to put stuff down there too?

Check out the official site here.

Fascinating and Such: Fan Death's "Reunited"

They're possibly women, they're possibly British. They're definitely interesting. Give it a listen or four.

There's an Axl Rose look-a-like (but cute), how can you refuse? You can't

Dog Goes Freaking Nuts For Returning Soldier

I mean, he has to be covered in pee droplets right? This is kind of insane. In other news, Jared is almost exactly like this when I get home. Including the pee.

Aaron's Work: A Progress Report

So if you know me at all, you've been hearing non-stop about the project that is slowly but surely working on my early grave. My text message translation guide is well under way and it's hurting. Every day it causes me pain. On week seven (today) here is a tid bit of where I'm at.

I throw myself to the wolves once more tomorrow, wish me luck! There are several more spreads, just not full of yummy goodness.

Hero: 10 Year Old With More Sense Than Most of America

>So, I always hated the entire forced pledge thing. It felt like we were being brainwashed...to be patriotic zombies. In space. Watch it and remember that this kid has more balls than 90% of us. 

So the damn thing insists on having two of itself. Fine CNN, go for the overkill.

Low-Resolution Girl Rocks

I'm actually really confused if you need me to say anything aside from that. Just to ensure that I meet my daily word typing quotas I present the following.

She is made of pixels. It's like watching a recorded britney spears video from the tv on the internet on a dial up connection on an Apple II monitor. In space.
In 1378.

Need: Jawa Lawn Ornament

I don't have a lawn, but I do have a dream. It involves a small family of these living along side black people like they aren't secretly afraid. That and a truly everlasting gobstopper. 

Dollhouse: RIP

Well, that's all dearies. Joss Whedon's best (yes, I know, let the Buffy folks complain) show has officially been canceled by Fox during its second season. Fox announced the news yesterday. The show is currently producing its 11th episode. Fox plans on running the remaining episodes back to back throughout December, giving it a full two season run. After the announcement Whedon said:

"Hmm. Apparently my news is not news.
I don’t have a lot to say. I’m extremely proud of the people I’ve worked with: my star, my staff, my cast, my crew. I feel the show is getting better pretty much every week, and I think you’ll agree in the coming months. I’m grateful that we got to put it on, and then come back and put it on again.
I’m off to pursue internet ventures/binge drinking. Possibly that relaxation thing I’ve read so much about. By the time the last episode airs, you’ll know what my next project is. But for now there’s a lot of work still to be done, and disappointment to bear.
Thank you all for your support, your patience, your excellent adverts. See you again. -j.”

 The show's 'star' Dushku also took to her twitter to post the following:

"Hear it here. Hey, that's really why I started twitter, the rumors/news IS true: Dollhouse will not cont. past these 13 eps :("

 I mean the news was obviously impending, but it's a sad day here in Aaron town. I shall watch them all fondly and think of what could have been. For those of you who haven't watched it, shame on you you monkey sniffers.

PS. Fox is now the devil. No dollhouse and an entire news network of bloated republicans. Kudos.

Mr. Bucket Was A Dirty Old Man

So let's get this straight. Nowhere in development, creative meetings, writing or recording this tune did anyone at this company think that a middle-aged sounding bucket singing "your balls pop out of my mouth" was in anyway an inappropriate sentiment?

In other news, as a child I REALLY wanted a Mr. Bucket. (unrelated of course)

Kick Ass Flute Rock Band Playing (I Didn't Feel Like Going Back and Making This A Real Sentence)

It's a video kind of day. Consider yourselves warned. Having said that, I wish I could play the flute. It sounds much nicer than my bellowing insistently at the controller thinking to myself "I AM every woman, it IS all in me"

I Can't Resist: "Bad Romance" Video

I still stand by my statement that anyone that weird may deserve to be so famous. Having said that, she looks eerily normal for part of it. Gaga has went the way of Britney, let the baby spewing head shaving commence.

Seriously. and go.

Blog World: People of Public Transit

You do not ask the dismemberment lady what she's doing. She asks you. Then collects your legs of course. So, from what I'm told this is People of Walmart's sister site, proving that crazy ass people are all around you, not just shopping for bargain basement prices.

Check it out here.

What In the Gay Hell? New Aqua Video

So, these are the people who did "Barbie Girl". To me that's kind of like telling a kid that Darth Vader was a backup singer for Lady Gaga before he hit the bigtime.

Tegan and Sara Wear Nautical Clothes, Like Cutouts

The new album is amazing, by the way. Much like replacing the head of a kitten in an oversized black and white print with your own.

Top Ten Toys To Make You Gay

Liquid Generation has compiled this list of the 10 gayest toys ever. Surprisingly enough, I didn't have a single one of these. However, I did sneak time with my cousin's pogo ball. The TOY, perv.

Thanks to Cisco for the tip, who knows all about the homosexuality.

Your Door Definitely Just Felt Me Up

Amsterdamn designer Naomi Thellier de Poncheville decided that doors aren't friendly/creepy enough for her taste and decided that we need more android affection when we're leaving or coming into a room. The perfect answer? A metal hand. Let the door humping commence. 

This Is So Old, But Make Your Sex More Pork Scented

This just gives "squeal like a pig" a whole new meaning. However, that marketing writes itself.

Gives J&D a call.
Yes, that's right, Burt Reynolds has endorsed it.

Thanks to Cisco for insisting upon this, because this is everyday activity in Texas.

The Beatles Go Digital, Again

All of the fab fours newly remastered albums (that's 14 for you folks who worship Satan) are coming to the world of USB. On December 8th the Beatles collection will be on a $289  jump drive. I mean, it's shaped like an apple, and that's neat and all but almost $300? You're paying $20 per album and then a giant chunk more for a plastic apple.  I prefer red delicious anyway. 

It's An Animal Kind of Day: Bears Sans Fur Mystifies Folks

Zookeepers and scientists in Leipzig, Germany are baffled because Dolores (seen here in her sad state) has lost all of her bear fur. (no not the hairy gay guys, the real life bears, you know roarrr and all that jazz). It's not just her but the entire female population here seems to be going hairless. Somewhere in one of these caves is an ungodly huge stash of Nair. I blame Cosmo.

Read more here. Pray for the bear hair folks. 

Bugs. Really Close Up Bugs

Photographer Igor Siwanowicz has taken a veritable crap load of really high res super close up photos of the creepy crawly things that weren't featured in Paranormal Activity. Check out the gallery here.

Repeat After Me Bitch! I Come in the Name of Jesus!

This is the true meaning of Christmas.

Evil Hat of Smiling Doom!

happiness hat from Lauren McCarthy on Vimeo.

So, in short, if one wore this for more than a day you'd have a permanent Jack Napier after the acid vat look about you.

10 points to people who actually know who Jack Napier is.

Most Awesome Wedding Cake Ever:

This cake exemplifies everything that is good and holy in this world. It's true, because as the Bible says in Buzz Lightyear 4:19:

A couple that slays zombies together stays together, with proper tithing and her being willing to take it up the bum every now and then.

Amen.

Liberache Has Met His Equal: Adam Lambert

Ok, so there is gay and then there is this sugary neon too pink far too 80s tranny glam not terribly functional glove makeup extravaganza of ponies and rainbows.

Your move, Elton John

New Peaches Video: I Feel Cream

So she's decidedly less terrifying than in the "Lose You" video. Go have gay sex to this song. It's like viagra to the Lady Gaga circuit I hear.

Ah, A Return, With Kelly Clarkson

So, sorry I haven't been on for a hot minute. School has been kicking my ass (literally, I have bruises). So tonight will mark at least a temporary return to form with me putting up various pictures/videos with one or two quips intended to make me look remotely interesting.

Case in point: Kelly Clarkson dressed as Stewie. I don't really have anything to say except for a written pondering on why there's the slit above the face hole.

And Cisco, I did get your emails and I will scope out what you sent me :P

WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!! Giant Seagulls In Australia

::giggle giggle:: no, but for serious, I gave my grandmother a heart attack when she watched this.

Just kidding, She's already dead.

Tee Hee: Star Wars Was Noisy

This happened to me at my aunts house once, except instead of a garbage chute I was in her bedroom. And instead of laser pistols, I was singing Whitney Houston wearing her lipstick.

I know, eerily similar.

Sorry for so many videos today, I'm too tired to look at pictures, I have to imagine them moving that way.

He's Australian? ::Swoon::

I'll type more...later.

::wipes drool::

Can't Wait To Pee? Don't

So, A Chinese company has decided to make a carseat that you can just lift up a flap and pee in. I can see several problems with this.

1. Having a penis
2. Having on clothes
3. Asians driving

Oh I'm just kidding. We should buy them Hot Wheels to feel included.

The Best Daylight Savings Time Advert. Ever.

I demand British citizenship. Now. All I need is money, a plane ticket, a passport and several other unimportant things.

I watched this approximately 3 times. In a row.

Brilliantly Done

Republicans, take note.

Japanese People Are Evil

Can you think of any other excuse? No wonder they're so bad at driving, they're nervous wrecks from the tv there.

Florence + The Machine Sings In The Park

Ah yes, I have a female crush.

This Art Is Made From FLIES! Arhrhhh!

 

I'm not really sure who did this, how they killed the flies sans smushing or why. The only thing that really matters I suppose is that there's a person taping flies to paper and drawing around them. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Jesus is back.

Check out the gallery here

Nom Nom! Steampunk Wedding Cake

Mike's Amazing Cakes based in Seattle, made this...amazing cake. I would nom to the power of 5+8.